Necessary Update

Hello all,

I'm not sure if anyone still visits this blog - I know I have not updated this in a while, and this is because I am planning bigger and better things that are just taking a while to take effect. So this is just an overall update of what I've been up to - eventually I will have a one-stop web portal (thinking website) where you can all go to see my blog posts, anecdotes, recommendations, new learnings/findings, and even different projects I've undertaken. Stay tuned and thanks for reading!!


CARB BACKLOADING, HEALTH, ETC.

I just noticed that most of my page visits are related to people searching for Carb Back-Loading. This update is to let you know that I am still definitely on CBL/CNS protocols, and if you too are a fan/follower of Kiefer's work, you know that he has a very thorough and informative podcast called BODY IO FM, which he co-hosts with Dr. Rocky Patel.

I've been eating carb strategically since discovering Kiefer's dietary protocols early last year (2013), and it has definitely been a journey to try to learn everything I can about how to eat and live and train according to these. I was interested in experimenting with it upon stumbling on it, and boy am I glad that I did.

Turns out that experimentation has become my greatest reward - and now I want to do further experimenting, documenting, and sharing all my results with YOU and who ever might take interest in these programs in the future.

I really believe in this method of nutrition for overall performance and now OPTIMAL HEALTH. So, that being said, I will do what I can to promote this and help out Kiefer (he doesn't know I'm doing this. He probably doesn't know that I exist even) and all the professionals, athletes, and regular people like us, get the message out so that people can start LIVING and not over-thinking their diet, or doing things wrong now that might cost them down the line with their health and longevity, etc.

I did some things wrong last year (probably why Carb Nite worked sometimes, but other times did not for me) and I really do wanna keep being an anecdotal source of how these dietary methods work on people. I will add some links on the bottom of this post so you guys can find me.

ME

I have a personal blog (which I haven't updated in a while either) that stems thoughts, fitness, motherhood, etc. on Serpentine Strength. If you all didn't know, I have a personal Instagram account which you can ask me for if you'd like to follow. :-)

I have also begun a joint project with my boyfriend Sam called House Of Pump, where we have been and will post motivational training videos. We'll also be documenting our journey to finding ourselves [hopefully] reaching success in the fitness industry, overall life success together as a couple, and our random shenanigans which may or may not help us get there. Also find us on Instagram here.

I also truly believe that I have ADD (attention-deficit disorder). And despite this my entrepreneurial spirit has just been dying to come out, more than ever.

If you'd like to directly email me for questions about CBL or whatever, feel free to at jeninalanzi@gmail.com.

3 Weeks Out | 18 Days Until Showtime

This is gonna be rather quick. I have practically no time to update, but I'll make a little one anyway.

Less than 3 weeks away until the show! HOLY BEELZEBUB! Here is my current progress since last night (19 days out):

3 weeks out: looking and feeling vascular, despite 6 consecutive days of carb depletion.

Knowing When To Slow Down

I don't wanna burn out. I don't wanna damage my metabolism. I am doing enough work for the amount of food I've been eating. I've been tweaking my training volume around my Carb Nites. Tuesday's become my carb nites and will be until 8/20. Then I will go ULC until the last 3 days of my Peak Week, where I will carb up to maintenance for 3 days straight. AWWWW YEAHHH.

Because I do not want to damage myself in the LONG RUN, I've made it a point to keep all 5 training sessions per week 45 minutes long (or under).  I wanna grace the stage lean, but I don't wanna spend a lifetime trying to fix the damage of dieting and training too hard for my first prep (or any future prep, for that matter). I'm NOT gonna kill myself with everyday hour-long cardio like most people do, but will still do my HIIT's and circuits 3-4x/week. I have pulled two-a-days and that's fine with me. I will set these around my carb nite. Heavy work Wednesday, rest or cardio Thursday, heavy work Friday.. then start scaling down in weight and volume to maybe just full-body circuits Saturday, Monday, and Tuesday as I become more and more carb-depleted throughout the week. Absolute rest on Sunday. I am going for healthy - not just for my first competition, but life in general - and I don't wanna end up fried.

I've reduced the amount of bloaty food that I eat. I cook all my veggies so they don't give me stomach aches. I have reduced significantly the number of Quest Bars I eat on a given day.

I've also recently contracted a cold - I haven't felt sick in several months now, thanks to fitness and nutrition! - so I've been downing huge amounts of green and black tea, which is actually doing my body good in so many ways.

I keep taking my fat burner supplements and my Cellucor Super HD. No problems for me, but I can't wait to cycle off them and just focus on eating and lifting off-season. Off-season is gonna be off the hook, I already know.


30% Gym, 70% Diet??

And a quick reminder to those who are STILL doubting: you can train or run or exercise all you want, but you're not gonna see drastic changes unless your diet is on point. I was one of those un-believers until recently.

See for yourself, below for an example:

LEFT: 7 Weeks Out - VS - RIGHT: 4 Weeks Out
(3-week difference, diet on caloric deficit, CNS, and tracking macros.)

I gave myself 12 weeks to diet down for this competition, but haven't really been strict with it until about 8 weeks out. So the biggest difference is occuring during these past few weeks. Why? I've been tracking my macros and caloric intake every day during this diet. I'm not working out extra, or eating a dangerously low amount of calories. I am simply staying consistent.

Some days are better than others. Some days I cave in to extra scoops of peanut butter, or sneak a jelly bean in once in a while. I almost quit Carb Nite completely to reintroduce carbs (and sanity) back to my regular diet!

But, while the diet is difficult, the motivation I get from seeing myself lean out week by week in the mirror is what really drives me forward. I am not striving to look like somebody else, as my competition is right in front of me. What better way to grow and improve?!

I've also been enjoying the HELL out of meal prepping and cooking and planning my meals during this diet - since I have certain macros I need to stick to (which I've mentioned I like tracking) I've been coming up with all kinds of alternatives and concoctions that make sure I get the foods I like in, as long as I make certain adjustments. But that'll be all detailed in a different post.


Ain't Got Time For Your Shit

I've been dealing with stress, adjusting sleep schedules, dietary tweaks, monthly BLOAT and water weight gain. Which really wreaks havoc on one's perspective of oneself when trying to diet down.. especially for a show. I'll admit I've freaked out a few times that nothing I was doing was actually working.

But even with these hellraisers popping up everywhere, I've still stuck to ALL of my plans. I got less than 3 weeks left, there is absolutely NO room for excess garbage!

I am consciously making my days better by default. I really have no time or energy for stress (mostly other people's bullshit, pardon my French). No raised cortisol or added fat storage for me, no thanks. People pick fights with me and break my heart and/or make me upset on a regular basis. But guess what? Ain't nobody got time fo dat on contest prep!

Instead of crying or hurting, or even worrying to death, I choose an extra hour or two of sleep per night. I'll ignore the culprit and just think about what is more important at this point. They give me stress? I circumvent it. I ignore it, I focus on the things that matter - Kaeden, work, Kaeden's school, training, nutrition, prep for the show, etc. No time for drama.

People have been constantly throwing me under the bus, or putting me in the spotlight with all kinds of stupid questions. "Why are you not eating normal?" "Why aren't you doing this?" "Why are you doing that?" Why are you eating so much meat/etc.?" "Why are you taking another rest day?" "Why are you always weighing and measuring everything?" And they're not even questions that they want answered out of curiosity, or because they really want to know what I'm doing and why - but snarky, snide little comments that people mask as questions so they can jab you with negativity without sounding like an outright asshole. See hater in the dictionary. At least the self-professed assholes out there are forthcoming...

And these days I only have enough energy to tell them all the same thing: I don't have to answer to you! I really dont!

NO ONE rules my life but me. I have a life to raise on my own, as it is. I don't need stupid opinions or comments bogging me down.

NO ONE is going to keep me from stepping on that stage and COMPLETING this goal especially when I'm so close! Even though there are lots of little hands trying to pull me down. I'm GOING to do this.

5 Weeks Out | Too Close

First things' first, I got my stripper heels in the mail (LOL) and my suit, custom-made by Ravish Sands, is currently on its way! How exciting is that? And here's my current physique progress:


My physique 5 weeks out. Never been this lean in my life!! :)

 But other than that, shit's still hard. Why does everything want to happen during the last, most crucial weeks of competition prep? To say I'm drained is just a flat out lie - I'm wrung out dry - psychologically, emotionally, physically & financially. People around me are either of no help or just making things worse.
I am so sleepy. I am kept awake daily by responsibility, stimulant fat burners and caffeine. I need more sleep. I'm the only one who believes that, it seems.

It is getting so hard at this point. To say that this path is filled with trial and tribulation would be sugarcoating the severity of the situation..

Fat Burners

I've been taking Cellucor Super HD for 2 1/2 weeks now. It is purely supplemental for me, as my diet is the one responsible for the actual results. But... holy crap.

There is an extra dose of caffeine in it that's extra for me, since I've upped my caffeine consumption from a small coffee to a large. I don't know what's in it that is making me a complete irritable and angry person. Is this what pre-workout feels like? If so, I should be banned from pre-workout for life. The world does not need me on pre-workouts.

I'm peeing even more (think I went too much before?!) and I'm almost never bloated. My stomach is staying flat, and I feel the thermogenic effects. Some days I'm convinced I have a fever because my mouth feels hot and my temperature rises. But I'm fine. Just angry all the time. Other people don't help, of course.

I like the product but I have to say, I can't wait to cycle off it. It's driving me up the wall.

Non-Training Related Prep

I have to set up appointments for first-time contact lenses, hair, snag a free makeup tutorial at the local Sephora, custom spray tan, regular tanning sessions post-training at my gym, possibly a bikini wax or two (I am NOT looking forward to that at ALL), a mani/pedi which I've also never experienced before...

I also have to come up with a posing/stage routine for the show. I REALLY need to get on this since I still don't have one made up.

I have to buy my INBA membership card and pay registration fees and fill out & submit the form to them. I have to possibly purchase an instructional DVD so I'm not totally clueless on the flow of things when I compete. I also need to put away money for a drug test.. they need to make sure all the competing athletes are natty (ahem, natural).

I am finding that there people around me who are actually serious about coming to watch me compete. What the actual fuu?! I don't think I would be so nervous if I was just doing this by strangers. But I have friends and family who are serious about going. I might be more nervous of the fact that I make friends and acquaintances with a bunch of different people across many spectrums, and I don't feel right having them all in the same room because I'm used to people fighting or not getting along. God no, I would hate that! I need to be completely focused on bringing out the best stage presence, the best me I can possibly present in 5 weeks time. Ugh, maybe life was simpler when I was a true hermit.

That being said, I'm gonna make a public invite thingy on my facebook soon. Just so people start giving me money for their tickets so I can order them. And whoever wants to celebrate with me post-comp is welcome to. God this is scarier than actual prep or the thought of comp day itself... People always complicate things in my life.

If I had it my way, I'd just eat, sleep, be a mommy, read and draw, work out, be healthy, eat carbs post-workout, and go out with friends when I have free time and/or money. No bullshit. No drama or crying or dumb games. No worrying about if the things I'm saying or doing (for myself) are offending people, or if being friends with a particular person is going to upset another. For fuck's sake, I have enough problems. Stop having expectations of me, because I'm human too and I can't be perfect. Maybe this is why "not giving a damn" is the best policy for maintaining one's sanity - or so they say. I don't know.

5 weeks out. I need to bring out the best.

7 Weeks Out | Leaning Out, But Becoming Bitchy!

I've become a sloth - An utter mental sloth. This has been the norm since 8 weeks out.

I cannot focus at work. Which is bad because my tasks have doubled - no, tripled almost- as soon as I started the dieting phase of my prep.

The good news though is that so far I'm on track with my fat loss - "shredding" might be the term some prefer to use - as little details are starting to come to light more and more each day, each week that I tread on. I'm starting to look and feel stronger, more athletic, and curvier each day.

It is crazy how diet can really affect the changes the body undergoes, as well as the timeframe it takes to achieve results:

My sister (and new fit buddy) Anna Lorraine took these pictures.
LOOK AT THE GAINS!!!!

 Being Bitchy..

Dieting and little room for cheats has really turned me into a completely irritable individual with little room for me to tolerate those who exhibit dumbassery (yes that is a word now) and do things that make me angry or upset. I used to let things slide all the time (you have NO idea how nice I really am) but now, watch out. No more being a "rug" that people can step on. I guess that is a good thing for me not to let people take advantage of me anymore, or let them think that they can hurt me and it'll be okay with me.

I guess what they say about competition prep really showing you who your real friends are, couldn't be closer to the truth than I could ever imagine. It's getting lonely down this road now, to be honest. That lets you know that a lot of people have fallen off board with me.

Also, ironically enough since this prep started, more people have mysteriously come out of the woodwork and asked me for favors. Do this, do that, for them. Seriously. And it doesn't help that apparently everything they want from me needs to be done by a certain deadline. Um, excuse me? Taking advantage [or completely disregarding] of the fact that my brain has been working at probably 60% efficiency? On top of me no longer being able to tolerate selfish and unpleasant behaviour??

I try to get 7-8 hours of sleep a night. Any less and I get ANGRY. Skip tired, skip the nice things, I just get plain mad. I've had my dealings lately with people that enjoy wasting my time (as if I don't have things to do), bringing drama to my table that I have no time for, and I'm TOO old for..  thus making me lose precious hours I need to sleep because it forces me to push my other duties back. It is imperative I sleep - calorie restriction is serious work.

I feel really bad that I have not updated this blog in a long time, and that would contribute both to the lethargy I've been under as well as the amount of responsibilities I've somehow incurred. But, as I've promised in the past, this is a stepping stone for an even bigger project, and these things take time to develop - as I have come to learn about many things.


Diet & Training Switch-Ups

There have been a lot of changes that've taken place since 12 weeks out, and they've been THAT gradual.. I wasn't able to just cut certain things out or change a routine completely in just a few days. That wouldn't be realistic anyway. I am highly adaptable, just not like a chameleon.

As for my training, I believe I've mentioned going from daily body splits to 4-5 full-body strength workouts per week, varying in volume, sets, reps.. but still all at high intensity. I've started incorporating kettlebell swings into my routine, which I am finding to be a rather fun cardio workout :-)

It is difficult but I am going to make myself do AM cardio, for the fasted benefits. Also, I do not want to have to do it in the afternoon after all the heavy lifting I gotta do.

I've also mentioned that I've switched to Carb Nite for sheer fat loss while maintaining the muscle I've built. This time though, I have everything calculated down to the gram, except the carb nite itself. The only guidelines for the carb nite are:

1) have a post-workout shake with carbs,
2) eat a low-fat, carb-filled meal 2 hours later
3) have one more meal (dessert) right before bed

Unlike the past when I made myself practically immobile and carb-pregnant on a carb nite, this time things were controlled. One shake, one meal, one dessert. That's it. Every 2 hours to get that 6-hour nighttime insulin spike needed to reset all my metabolic hormones for the most efficient fat-burning to take place in the body for the next week.

I also re-did the 10-day recalibration phase to make absolutely sure my glycogen reserves were emptied so that my body would respond in the best possible way once it was fed carbs...

Let me tell you, this was absolute HELL. I was an absolute anger-bomb (on top of the hellish me that has emerged from dieting alone), and did not want to get out of bed, or go to work, or even associate with anybody (just for the sake of not being a bitch to anyone). Unfortunately there were still people around me, so it's pretty much safe to say I've snapped at several people during those past 10 days. Not my proudest moments in life.. however, I did warn of my impending bitchiness due to the carb depletion on TOP of the caloric deficit. People still aggravated me. Oh well.

I scheduled the carb nites on Mondays simply so that Mondays wouldn't suck and, better yet, instead of dreading Monday, I'd look forward to it. And what a great idea it was because yesterday turned out pretty awesome. :-)


"Ermagerd, Kerbs"

Yesterday was Carb Nite #1 of prep (7/15). My post-workout fuel consisted of banana protein fluff w/creatine added to it. Very delicious - I was in heaven just from finally being able to have carbs. That banana never tasted so damn good, especially in fluff form. If you've never had protein fluff, it's got a consistency between whipped cream and ice cream. Super delicious.

For dinner I dragged my boyfriend with me to Marianos, our favorite grocery store ever. Okay, so I didn't really drag him. I insisted on satisfying my craving for sushi. He loves sushi too, so we had some fresh rolls made. He had a combination of various types while I stuck with my favorite Godzilla roll entree - 2 rolls of succulent, delicious sushi.

Not only was I making myself eat it slow and enjoy every graze of texture, every burst of flavor, and enjoy the sheer experience of eating sushi - but I'm pretty sure I was making a lot of uncouth noises in the store cafeteria. Public moaning induced by sushi? I gave no f**ks, to be honest. These people take carbs for granted and here I was, getting them after 10 days of sheer and absolute diet hell.

For my dessert, I bought a fresh-made lemon bar from the Marianos bakery. As you can see in the picture above, I am demolishing it. I love lemon bars sooooo much, and they make some of the best I've had (but then again, I haven't tried making them on my own yet). I saved that for until I got home and was prepared for bed. That one, I tried to eat slowly as well, but I think I failed. The lemony goodness was gone in a hearbeat.

Now that my glycogen reserves have been filled again and my hormones reset, it's time to do another week of ultra-low carb. I know this time, it won't be bad like the depletion phase because my body will slowly get used to this (as it has done before).

I will update again soon, since I've finally bought my competition heels and ordered my custom competition suit!!! I can't wait for all this to come along, this competition and journey have been like a fun package slowly being assembled to make one awesome product!

10 Weeks Out | A Rough Climb.



I started vlogging my journey to the stage, click to watch!

 I messed up this weekend. I am not very proud of it but it's the truth. I ended up eating a lot of carbs on Friday night, after coming home from hanging out with friends. I managed to keep my calories below maintenance on Saturday, but I ended up eating out again to catch up with my best friend, who has been out-of-town for over 2 weeks. Sunday, I kept it ultra-low carb, but ended up eating out again for all of my meals so I really couldn't track my caloric intake.

At least on Sunday I committed to going to the gym first thing in the morning - after my coffee, of course - to spend 30 minutes on the treadmill. In between that, I did my 6 HIIT cycles. That I am proud to say I did.
I can't let people sway me anymore into going off-track. So far, no one understands the importance of what I'm doing, and I'm not expecting them to. I didn't want to eat out on Saturday, nor did I want to eat our on Sunday either. I like feeling comfortable being able to track my caloric intake, because I know I will eat at maintenance or above levels if I leave it to my body to decide my satiety. I love my friends, but I cannot keep doing this.

I am 10 weeks out and luckily, I am seeing some positive changes. Little, slow, but progress nonetheless.


Training Tweaks

For one, I'm only going to aim for 1 actual rest day per week. I need to be doing some form of HIIT cardio at least 4-5x/week. NO STEADY STATE. A no-lifting day can easily be a cardio day.

I will train upper body twice a week and lower body twice or thrice a week. Higher training frequency helps muscles grow better than training a body part once a week. Two heavy days for each, and at least one day of super-setting and/or higher reps until failure for a good pump on each half of my body.

I'm trying out a cheap bottle of raspberry ketones to possibly aid with fat loss. It's only a supplement and it supposedly helps with lypolisis. We'll see. May purchase a thermogenic fat burner soon to help with increasing my body temperature. I know I may have to take water pills during the last few weeks of prep.


Nutrition Is Still #1

Training is a breeze compared to the 100% dedication I must commit to my nutrition:

I've stopped eating dairy. I love dairy products - cheese, milk, etc. I've even cut out cottage cheese, my favorite. The reason why is because I am moderately lactose intolerant, but the effects are most apparent with actual cow's milk more than it is with cheeses. My stomach gets upset and my body bloats for a day or two when I ingest anything dairy.

I have made a grocery list of foods that I eat on a regular basis, and I will be sticking with that list (with minor adjustments here and there) for the next 10 weeks. It is so much easier to track everything when you eat the same things all the time.

I will be adding more lean protein and cutting out certain fatty meats out of my contest diet, just so I can personally control my fat intake on a given day. I'm still eating bacon and sausages and whole eggs especially on ULC days. On a carb back-load day, I will be eating much less fat so I can appropriately fit in carbs into my macros post-workout, and so no excess of fat can slow down the much needed insulin spike in my body to the high-glycemic carbs.

I don't know if I've mentioned, but my carbs have gone from ~200g a day to now around 100-164g. I might have to cut out the banana (or just halve the serving) in my post-workout protein fluff just so my actual dinner/meals can be more fulfilling. Nothing wrong with getting more real food in the diet.

I've started drinking more coffee in the morning. I might have to start cutting out the Splenda soon, or at least just cutting back to 1 packet per day.

The cleaner and more whole foods I eat during this prep, the better off my body is. It won't be reacting with bloat or other unnecessary digestive issues to dairy or gluten or artificial sweeteners.

Still ingesting whey post-workout as it responds very quickly to my sore muscles. It is critical I preserve the muscle mass I've accumulated during this fat-loss phase.


The Levels Are Getting Harder

Things in life, as with prep, are continuing to increase in difficulty. They are in line with one another. It seems like this is the part with the steepest climb, and the higher I climb, the harder each step gets. Everything is trying to resist change.

Issues with debts, jobs, responsiblities, money, family and friends seem to be on the climb. I continue to hold my head up nonetheless. I will stay strong as I have no other choice - giving up in any area of life is not an option. And that is probably what I love about this whole challenge - that it helps me develop thick skin and strong mental and emotional skills that cannot be acquired by sitting around and not accepting/confronting change.

As the cliche goes, the only constant in life is change. And I am mutable, so I will just face whatever challenge I'm met with. Crying and falling and getting hurt is acceptable, but giving up is not.

Just gotta keep swimmin'.

11 Weeks Out | Being Bad, Freaking Out

Really need to start taking progress pictures in better lighting conditions..

I have 11 weeks left - actually, less now that it's Tuesday - to go from 118 to a lean, cut 108-110.

And after yesterday's Leg Day #1, I'm pretty sure I blew past my caloric allowance for the day with all the sushi I devoured at Sushi Station. To put things in perspective, my pile of plates matched my sister's pile and my boyfriend's pile - put together.

To say that I was crawling on all fours would be no mere figurative statement.


Eating Less

I find that having to eat at a caloric deficit is much more challenging than training 5-6 days a week or daily (and precise) nutrient timing. I'm used to eating at or above maintenance levels. I cannot express enough how much I love food - hell, I am excited for this contest prep to be over for the sole purpose of being able to eat substantially more, and building more muscle in the process.

Therein lies the challenge. Usually women think they need to eat only 1000 calories or less a day to lose weight, but my body hates that. It shuts down all prospects of fat loss and completely stalls. Still, my deficit is still very apparent, despite it being a gradual thing.

To lose a pound a week, I have to intake an average of 1436-1521 calories daily. My maintenance calories (to stay the same weight) would be around 1937-2028 calories. Per week I should be losing about .8-1 lb body fat. Sounds easy and concrete on paper, but real life is a very different story.

I do wanna get it out of people's heads that just because I'm eating at a deficit, does not mean I'm starving myself or that I'm slowly killing myself. In fact, my calorie allowance being less means I have to pick foods that are superior in quality and macronutrients, and are dense for health and fullness. That means significantly more veggies for fullness, fiber, and added benefits without the extra calories. That also means being picky with the carbs I eat.

Lots more meat, high amounts of fat on low-carb days, and low-fat everything pretty much on a day I get to carb back-load. There is a fine balance and trade-off with each day. On ultra-low carb days, I get to enjoy chorizo and sausages and eggs fried in butter with bacon. On back-load days, while I need to watch for the fat content, I get to eat rice or sweet potatoes and raspberry kolackys, and end the night with some cookie dough ice cream (which has become my standard CBL routine these days). Besides, only having all carbs and fat in one meal/sitting - while that sounds really tasty - is just a bad idea.

Believe it or not, I'm still eating this.. for now.

Trying To Get It Right

I might have been bad on Monday, but it was heavy duty leg day. It is so heavy volume and intense that I do not do cardio or train any other body part on those days. And was it really "bad," if I needed to eat high-glycemic carbs post-workout anyway? At least my quads, glutes, hamstrings and calves got some nice juice yesterday.

How am I supposed to behave when this is staring me in the face?!

If I'm remorseful - which I kinda am - I will just make up for it with additional cardio. Today's session will be HIIT and upper body with a focus on back. I'll probably do an extra HIIT session this week, maybe on Thursday and another one Friday and Saturday even. I only planned for 3 sessions, but I did eat all that sushi and my current focus is fat loss and not building. I'm probably gonna hate it, but oh well.

Water-loading is really inconvenient. 2 gallons of water a day is what I'm aiming for. It's great that I'm getting very hydrated and all, but all these trips to the bathroom is getting pretty ridiculous. Maybe I will play with water/carb manipulation this week, to see how it works and looks on my body. I don't really have to do it until Peak Week (which will be the week leading up to the show) but I am planning a beach outing in a few days, so what better reason to practice than for bikini season.

And if I go to the beach this week, it will be the first day I debut on the beach in a real bikini. No big t-shirts, no hideous cover-ups. I will have to fight the urge to cover up. Even though I've worked so hard these past few months and have felt so good about myself, a big part of me is still horrendously worried. It hasn't been turned off yet, and has had no challenge.. until now. I will probably wear something pretty over it while I'm on my way there for modesty's sake, but I really need to step out of my damn comfort zone and get over this whole bikini body issue once and for all. I'm done being an envious, depressed worrywart in the beach. It's time I enjoy the summer and feel comfortable in my own skin.

I'm still shaking at the thought, though.


Still..

To be honest, I am worried. I'm wondering if I can lean down by the show. I've never been stage-ready lean before, and I'm doing this all on my own. I've stated these worries numerous times before, but now I'm 11 weeks out. The gravity of the situation has shifted dramatically. In just a few weeks, I will be in the single-digit week countdown.

I'm also worried about all the things I have to arrange and purchase for this day. The first thing on the list is the tan. I've always hated getting a tan, let alone the process of it - I always get sunburned first - and I used to avoid it at all costs, thanks to the help of SPF100 sunscreen. Now, I HAVE to shift my attitude. I HAVE to get a good base tan in. Luckily for me now, a big part of me has grown really curious regarding how my body & face will look with a real tan, because now I have muscle that just might show well. I just hate lines.

I have been contemplating getting a spray tan - because F**K the bed, I'm not getting cancer - before I actually go out this weekend. I don't wanna be uneven, especially if I have to compete in a bikini smaller than my real one in August. Yet another new experience for me.

Money is always an issue and I just have to start purchasing things slowly and checking off the list to make sure I don't miss a thing. The next on the list would have to be those stripper- I mean, clear heels. Because I need to practice posing 8 weeks out. This is another story, seeing as I'm a nervous wreck and I have to watch countless videos to teach myself how to have good stage presence and nail the posing down for a good Bikini Athlete. BAH!

To be honest, working out and eating is easy, compared to the stress and anxiety all this other prep is giving me.

"Be Patient, Be Consistent, Just Relax" is a mantra I'm gonna have to start taping to my forehead and scribbling all over my arms and legs really soon.

12 Weeks Out | Official Prep

It's official - I'm dieting down for the 2013 INBA Natural Universe this August - to get in the best, stage-ready shape of my life.

No pressure at all!

With that said, I just want to share a few of many, many feelings I have regarding this upcoming show. The caffeine I've reintroduced into my system is definitely kicking in now - or is it all the adrenaline from thinking about the contest?


22-13 Weeks Out, Beyond Physical Transformation

I would like to share that at this stage of my physical transformation, I am actually pretty happy with where I am. While I'm not complacent, and I know I have a lot more improvements to make, I have never been this happy in my own skin until now. I wanna say, I've been feeling pretty comfortable and happy in my own skin for a good 2 months now.

What I'm trying to say is, while I know I have much more work to do, this journey has really developed the me inside, in ways I could never imagine especially when this year just began.

This is the thing that surprises me the most. Not too long ago, I was out-of-shape and not very strong - physically, or psychologically. My self esteem mirrored all aspects of my health, to be honest I did not find that person fun or pleasant to be around at all. I was constantly nitpicking all the flaws I had and feeling dejected that I couldn't change them.

Nowadays, since I've picked up the iron as a habit, and since I've started eating properly and carefully listening to my body's needs (as if my body was a temple), it feels as if the mere but challenging act of shaping and growing my muscles has somehow also translated into shaping and growing myself within. It's overwhelming, actually. I've never felt this good before. It's actually pretty scary!

It translates physiologically as well as emotionally. My hear pumps faster and faster these days. I can no longer contain my excitement about things. I want to hug and kiss all my friends and loved ones and connect with them enthusiastically, as opposed to my former, very shut-in self that was afraid of human physical contact. I don't mind talking to strangers anymore - in fact, I get excited about what I may learn from them. I have this overwhelming urge to share the love I feel inside. [It sounds like I've lost my marbles, or ingested some ecstasy.. I can assure you I haven't.] The most frightening thing is that there is so much life wanting to burst out of me, and I don't believe even my insecurities and hang-ups can contain the life growing in me anymore. This side effect is something I definitely did not see coming when I made my New Year's Resolution this January.

Since January, I made the vow and promise to myself to finally get in amazing shape. I've wanted this since I could remember - well, since my growth spurt occurred. If you knew me personally, you might wonder, what growth spurt? Exactly.

My quads are looking pretty athletic and - well, kick-ass.

I lost a decent amount of body fat since then and gained some muscle mass. My weight loss is not drastic, because it does not need to be. At this halfway point, I can say that I'm pretty happy with the results I've achieved through hard work and dedication. This body I'm in right now is something I can be proud of, for all that is has been capable of doing for me. Most of all, I've strengthened not just my body but my mind and soul as well.


What's To Come

I'm going to focus on shedding the last pounds of body fat for the next 12 weeks. I am also going to keep making gains all over my body.

I am going to be eating less (but not by much), I'm going to be in a ketogenic state more often than not. I'm gonna do more HIIT cardio, walking, and plyometrics to encourage my body to burn its own fat.

I'm going to make sure that carbs are strictly for post-workout during these next 12 weeks, as difficult as that may be. But, I am going to be grateful for and enjoy every bite of carb that I am allowed within my macro numbers to enjoy. Even a cup of ice cream in one night is going to be the most amazing experience ever.

I'm going to tackle everday as a fresh start and meet my goals for each day. I'm going to be drinking 1-2 gallons of water and going to the bathroom a lot to flush the water out of my system.

I'm going to hit every macro goal with gusto. I'm going to focus on staying healthy and leaning down gradually, and I'm going to avoid crash-dieting of any sort.

I'm going to attempt to stress out as little as possible during such a stressful preparation for this very foreign and intimidating event. I'm going to make sleep a priority.

I'm going to train hard and eat right daily, but I'm also going to enjoy life with my friends, family and loved ones to the best of my abilities.

I'm probably going to have bad days, sad days, and even days where I feel no motivation whatsoever.. but I'm going to continue and go to the gym every day.

I'm going to hold my head high every day, and grit my teeth and bear the pain if the day should prove difficult and cruel.

And you know what? No matter what happens, I'm going to step on that stage to bring a package that I'm proud of, inside and out.