3 Weeks Out | 18 Days Until Showtime

This is gonna be rather quick. I have practically no time to update, but I'll make a little one anyway.

Less than 3 weeks away until the show! HOLY BEELZEBUB! Here is my current progress since last night (19 days out):

3 weeks out: looking and feeling vascular, despite 6 consecutive days of carb depletion.

Knowing When To Slow Down

I don't wanna burn out. I don't wanna damage my metabolism. I am doing enough work for the amount of food I've been eating. I've been tweaking my training volume around my Carb Nites. Tuesday's become my carb nites and will be until 8/20. Then I will go ULC until the last 3 days of my Peak Week, where I will carb up to maintenance for 3 days straight. AWWWW YEAHHH.

Because I do not want to damage myself in the LONG RUN, I've made it a point to keep all 5 training sessions per week 45 minutes long (or under).  I wanna grace the stage lean, but I don't wanna spend a lifetime trying to fix the damage of dieting and training too hard for my first prep (or any future prep, for that matter). I'm NOT gonna kill myself with everyday hour-long cardio like most people do, but will still do my HIIT's and circuits 3-4x/week. I have pulled two-a-days and that's fine with me. I will set these around my carb nite. Heavy work Wednesday, rest or cardio Thursday, heavy work Friday.. then start scaling down in weight and volume to maybe just full-body circuits Saturday, Monday, and Tuesday as I become more and more carb-depleted throughout the week. Absolute rest on Sunday. I am going for healthy - not just for my first competition, but life in general - and I don't wanna end up fried.

I've reduced the amount of bloaty food that I eat. I cook all my veggies so they don't give me stomach aches. I have reduced significantly the number of Quest Bars I eat on a given day.

I've also recently contracted a cold - I haven't felt sick in several months now, thanks to fitness and nutrition! - so I've been downing huge amounts of green and black tea, which is actually doing my body good in so many ways.

I keep taking my fat burner supplements and my Cellucor Super HD. No problems for me, but I can't wait to cycle off them and just focus on eating and lifting off-season. Off-season is gonna be off the hook, I already know.


30% Gym, 70% Diet??

And a quick reminder to those who are STILL doubting: you can train or run or exercise all you want, but you're not gonna see drastic changes unless your diet is on point. I was one of those un-believers until recently.

See for yourself, below for an example:

LEFT: 7 Weeks Out - VS - RIGHT: 4 Weeks Out
(3-week difference, diet on caloric deficit, CNS, and tracking macros.)

I gave myself 12 weeks to diet down for this competition, but haven't really been strict with it until about 8 weeks out. So the biggest difference is occuring during these past few weeks. Why? I've been tracking my macros and caloric intake every day during this diet. I'm not working out extra, or eating a dangerously low amount of calories. I am simply staying consistent.

Some days are better than others. Some days I cave in to extra scoops of peanut butter, or sneak a jelly bean in once in a while. I almost quit Carb Nite completely to reintroduce carbs (and sanity) back to my regular diet!

But, while the diet is difficult, the motivation I get from seeing myself lean out week by week in the mirror is what really drives me forward. I am not striving to look like somebody else, as my competition is right in front of me. What better way to grow and improve?!

I've also been enjoying the HELL out of meal prepping and cooking and planning my meals during this diet - since I have certain macros I need to stick to (which I've mentioned I like tracking) I've been coming up with all kinds of alternatives and concoctions that make sure I get the foods I like in, as long as I make certain adjustments. But that'll be all detailed in a different post.


Ain't Got Time For Your Shit

I've been dealing with stress, adjusting sleep schedules, dietary tweaks, monthly BLOAT and water weight gain. Which really wreaks havoc on one's perspective of oneself when trying to diet down.. especially for a show. I'll admit I've freaked out a few times that nothing I was doing was actually working.

But even with these hellraisers popping up everywhere, I've still stuck to ALL of my plans. I got less than 3 weeks left, there is absolutely NO room for excess garbage!

I am consciously making my days better by default. I really have no time or energy for stress (mostly other people's bullshit, pardon my French). No raised cortisol or added fat storage for me, no thanks. People pick fights with me and break my heart and/or make me upset on a regular basis. But guess what? Ain't nobody got time fo dat on contest prep!

Instead of crying or hurting, or even worrying to death, I choose an extra hour or two of sleep per night. I'll ignore the culprit and just think about what is more important at this point. They give me stress? I circumvent it. I ignore it, I focus on the things that matter - Kaeden, work, Kaeden's school, training, nutrition, prep for the show, etc. No time for drama.

People have been constantly throwing me under the bus, or putting me in the spotlight with all kinds of stupid questions. "Why are you not eating normal?" "Why aren't you doing this?" "Why are you doing that?" Why are you eating so much meat/etc.?" "Why are you taking another rest day?" "Why are you always weighing and measuring everything?" And they're not even questions that they want answered out of curiosity, or because they really want to know what I'm doing and why - but snarky, snide little comments that people mask as questions so they can jab you with negativity without sounding like an outright asshole. See hater in the dictionary. At least the self-professed assholes out there are forthcoming...

And these days I only have enough energy to tell them all the same thing: I don't have to answer to you! I really dont!

NO ONE rules my life but me. I have a life to raise on my own, as it is. I don't need stupid opinions or comments bogging me down.

NO ONE is going to keep me from stepping on that stage and COMPLETING this goal especially when I'm so close! Even though there are lots of little hands trying to pull me down. I'm GOING to do this.

7 Weeks Out | Leaning Out, But Becoming Bitchy!

I've become a sloth - An utter mental sloth. This has been the norm since 8 weeks out.

I cannot focus at work. Which is bad because my tasks have doubled - no, tripled almost- as soon as I started the dieting phase of my prep.

The good news though is that so far I'm on track with my fat loss - "shredding" might be the term some prefer to use - as little details are starting to come to light more and more each day, each week that I tread on. I'm starting to look and feel stronger, more athletic, and curvier each day.

It is crazy how diet can really affect the changes the body undergoes, as well as the timeframe it takes to achieve results:

My sister (and new fit buddy) Anna Lorraine took these pictures.
LOOK AT THE GAINS!!!!

 Being Bitchy..

Dieting and little room for cheats has really turned me into a completely irritable individual with little room for me to tolerate those who exhibit dumbassery (yes that is a word now) and do things that make me angry or upset. I used to let things slide all the time (you have NO idea how nice I really am) but now, watch out. No more being a "rug" that people can step on. I guess that is a good thing for me not to let people take advantage of me anymore, or let them think that they can hurt me and it'll be okay with me.

I guess what they say about competition prep really showing you who your real friends are, couldn't be closer to the truth than I could ever imagine. It's getting lonely down this road now, to be honest. That lets you know that a lot of people have fallen off board with me.

Also, ironically enough since this prep started, more people have mysteriously come out of the woodwork and asked me for favors. Do this, do that, for them. Seriously. And it doesn't help that apparently everything they want from me needs to be done by a certain deadline. Um, excuse me? Taking advantage [or completely disregarding] of the fact that my brain has been working at probably 60% efficiency? On top of me no longer being able to tolerate selfish and unpleasant behaviour??

I try to get 7-8 hours of sleep a night. Any less and I get ANGRY. Skip tired, skip the nice things, I just get plain mad. I've had my dealings lately with people that enjoy wasting my time (as if I don't have things to do), bringing drama to my table that I have no time for, and I'm TOO old for..  thus making me lose precious hours I need to sleep because it forces me to push my other duties back. It is imperative I sleep - calorie restriction is serious work.

I feel really bad that I have not updated this blog in a long time, and that would contribute both to the lethargy I've been under as well as the amount of responsibilities I've somehow incurred. But, as I've promised in the past, this is a stepping stone for an even bigger project, and these things take time to develop - as I have come to learn about many things.


Diet & Training Switch-Ups

There have been a lot of changes that've taken place since 12 weeks out, and they've been THAT gradual.. I wasn't able to just cut certain things out or change a routine completely in just a few days. That wouldn't be realistic anyway. I am highly adaptable, just not like a chameleon.

As for my training, I believe I've mentioned going from daily body splits to 4-5 full-body strength workouts per week, varying in volume, sets, reps.. but still all at high intensity. I've started incorporating kettlebell swings into my routine, which I am finding to be a rather fun cardio workout :-)

It is difficult but I am going to make myself do AM cardio, for the fasted benefits. Also, I do not want to have to do it in the afternoon after all the heavy lifting I gotta do.

I've also mentioned that I've switched to Carb Nite for sheer fat loss while maintaining the muscle I've built. This time though, I have everything calculated down to the gram, except the carb nite itself. The only guidelines for the carb nite are:

1) have a post-workout shake with carbs,
2) eat a low-fat, carb-filled meal 2 hours later
3) have one more meal (dessert) right before bed

Unlike the past when I made myself practically immobile and carb-pregnant on a carb nite, this time things were controlled. One shake, one meal, one dessert. That's it. Every 2 hours to get that 6-hour nighttime insulin spike needed to reset all my metabolic hormones for the most efficient fat-burning to take place in the body for the next week.

I also re-did the 10-day recalibration phase to make absolutely sure my glycogen reserves were emptied so that my body would respond in the best possible way once it was fed carbs...

Let me tell you, this was absolute HELL. I was an absolute anger-bomb (on top of the hellish me that has emerged from dieting alone), and did not want to get out of bed, or go to work, or even associate with anybody (just for the sake of not being a bitch to anyone). Unfortunately there were still people around me, so it's pretty much safe to say I've snapped at several people during those past 10 days. Not my proudest moments in life.. however, I did warn of my impending bitchiness due to the carb depletion on TOP of the caloric deficit. People still aggravated me. Oh well.

I scheduled the carb nites on Mondays simply so that Mondays wouldn't suck and, better yet, instead of dreading Monday, I'd look forward to it. And what a great idea it was because yesterday turned out pretty awesome. :-)


"Ermagerd, Kerbs"

Yesterday was Carb Nite #1 of prep (7/15). My post-workout fuel consisted of banana protein fluff w/creatine added to it. Very delicious - I was in heaven just from finally being able to have carbs. That banana never tasted so damn good, especially in fluff form. If you've never had protein fluff, it's got a consistency between whipped cream and ice cream. Super delicious.

For dinner I dragged my boyfriend with me to Marianos, our favorite grocery store ever. Okay, so I didn't really drag him. I insisted on satisfying my craving for sushi. He loves sushi too, so we had some fresh rolls made. He had a combination of various types while I stuck with my favorite Godzilla roll entree - 2 rolls of succulent, delicious sushi.

Not only was I making myself eat it slow and enjoy every graze of texture, every burst of flavor, and enjoy the sheer experience of eating sushi - but I'm pretty sure I was making a lot of uncouth noises in the store cafeteria. Public moaning induced by sushi? I gave no f**ks, to be honest. These people take carbs for granted and here I was, getting them after 10 days of sheer and absolute diet hell.

For my dessert, I bought a fresh-made lemon bar from the Marianos bakery. As you can see in the picture above, I am demolishing it. I love lemon bars sooooo much, and they make some of the best I've had (but then again, I haven't tried making them on my own yet). I saved that for until I got home and was prepared for bed. That one, I tried to eat slowly as well, but I think I failed. The lemony goodness was gone in a hearbeat.

Now that my glycogen reserves have been filled again and my hormones reset, it's time to do another week of ultra-low carb. I know this time, it won't be bad like the depletion phase because my body will slowly get used to this (as it has done before).

I will update again soon, since I've finally bought my competition heels and ordered my custom competition suit!!! I can't wait for all this to come along, this competition and journey have been like a fun package slowly being assembled to make one awesome product!

12 Weeks Out | Official Prep

It's official - I'm dieting down for the 2013 INBA Natural Universe this August - to get in the best, stage-ready shape of my life.

No pressure at all!

With that said, I just want to share a few of many, many feelings I have regarding this upcoming show. The caffeine I've reintroduced into my system is definitely kicking in now - or is it all the adrenaline from thinking about the contest?


22-13 Weeks Out, Beyond Physical Transformation

I would like to share that at this stage of my physical transformation, I am actually pretty happy with where I am. While I'm not complacent, and I know I have a lot more improvements to make, I have never been this happy in my own skin until now. I wanna say, I've been feeling pretty comfortable and happy in my own skin for a good 2 months now.

What I'm trying to say is, while I know I have much more work to do, this journey has really developed the me inside, in ways I could never imagine especially when this year just began.

This is the thing that surprises me the most. Not too long ago, I was out-of-shape and not very strong - physically, or psychologically. My self esteem mirrored all aspects of my health, to be honest I did not find that person fun or pleasant to be around at all. I was constantly nitpicking all the flaws I had and feeling dejected that I couldn't change them.

Nowadays, since I've picked up the iron as a habit, and since I've started eating properly and carefully listening to my body's needs (as if my body was a temple), it feels as if the mere but challenging act of shaping and growing my muscles has somehow also translated into shaping and growing myself within. It's overwhelming, actually. I've never felt this good before. It's actually pretty scary!

It translates physiologically as well as emotionally. My hear pumps faster and faster these days. I can no longer contain my excitement about things. I want to hug and kiss all my friends and loved ones and connect with them enthusiastically, as opposed to my former, very shut-in self that was afraid of human physical contact. I don't mind talking to strangers anymore - in fact, I get excited about what I may learn from them. I have this overwhelming urge to share the love I feel inside. [It sounds like I've lost my marbles, or ingested some ecstasy.. I can assure you I haven't.] The most frightening thing is that there is so much life wanting to burst out of me, and I don't believe even my insecurities and hang-ups can contain the life growing in me anymore. This side effect is something I definitely did not see coming when I made my New Year's Resolution this January.

Since January, I made the vow and promise to myself to finally get in amazing shape. I've wanted this since I could remember - well, since my growth spurt occurred. If you knew me personally, you might wonder, what growth spurt? Exactly.

My quads are looking pretty athletic and - well, kick-ass.

I lost a decent amount of body fat since then and gained some muscle mass. My weight loss is not drastic, because it does not need to be. At this halfway point, I can say that I'm pretty happy with the results I've achieved through hard work and dedication. This body I'm in right now is something I can be proud of, for all that is has been capable of doing for me. Most of all, I've strengthened not just my body but my mind and soul as well.


What's To Come

I'm going to focus on shedding the last pounds of body fat for the next 12 weeks. I am also going to keep making gains all over my body.

I am going to be eating less (but not by much), I'm going to be in a ketogenic state more often than not. I'm gonna do more HIIT cardio, walking, and plyometrics to encourage my body to burn its own fat.

I'm going to make sure that carbs are strictly for post-workout during these next 12 weeks, as difficult as that may be. But, I am going to be grateful for and enjoy every bite of carb that I am allowed within my macro numbers to enjoy. Even a cup of ice cream in one night is going to be the most amazing experience ever.

I'm going to tackle everday as a fresh start and meet my goals for each day. I'm going to be drinking 1-2 gallons of water and going to the bathroom a lot to flush the water out of my system.

I'm going to hit every macro goal with gusto. I'm going to focus on staying healthy and leaning down gradually, and I'm going to avoid crash-dieting of any sort.

I'm going to attempt to stress out as little as possible during such a stressful preparation for this very foreign and intimidating event. I'm going to make sleep a priority.

I'm going to train hard and eat right daily, but I'm also going to enjoy life with my friends, family and loved ones to the best of my abilities.

I'm probably going to have bad days, sad days, and even days where I feel no motivation whatsoever.. but I'm going to continue and go to the gym every day.

I'm going to hold my head high every day, and grit my teeth and bear the pain if the day should prove difficult and cruel.

And you know what? No matter what happens, I'm going to step on that stage to bring a package that I'm proud of, inside and out.

13 Weeks Out | Commencement

It is here. It is getting really close to the dieting portion of contest prep - or as I'd prefer to call it, fat loss.

I think I've established that I hate the word diet just as much as I hate the word tone. For example, this has to be the most ear-scratching sentence in my book:

"I really like, need to go on a 1000-calorie diet because I'm like, soooo out of shape, but I only wanna do cardio and NOT lift weights cause I'm not trying to get bulky, I just wanna get toned."

...Need a tissue cause my ears just bled.

I digress. On to the important stuff.


Prepping For Real Prep

I need 12 weeks of fat-loss prep so my leaning down is gradual, and not a complete shock to the system. I am trying to avoid metabolic damage at all costs. I want to be healthy and lean, and look nice and full on the stage, not stringy and burned out and desperate for a cupcake.

I'm prepping for this 12 weeks of possible mental/emotional hell by eating ultra-low carb on days I do not work out. I am staggering my carb back-load nights and eating in congruence with my training intensity for that day (example: Leg day gets much more carbs post-workout).

Ultra-low carb? No problem! Eggs and chorizo it is!

I have also determined my correct macronutrient needs for my personal needs via If It Fits Your Macros, which pretty much promotes "Flexible Dieting." Go to the site for a detailed explanation of the approach. For example, you figure out your numbers via: your height, weight, age, activity/body fat level, and ultimate goals. Eat to make sure you are hitting those numbers daily (protein/fat/carbs), and the food choices are really up to you. Obviously, you'd eat mostly nutritionally dense and healthy food, and a few snacks here and there will not only not kill you, but will help you meet your macro needs for the day.

I'm telling you, IIFYM practitioners.. no matter what eating style they pick (Paleo, Low Carb, Keto, Clean) they get ripped. Your macros are specific to you and your goals. It just works. And the best thing about it is, it works for contest prep. I can do CBL or CN protocols within my own specific macronutrient guideline, to get the best results for me.

I also learned that my body loves cycling carbs on and off by the days. It may be because my body fat is now at around 18-19% (considered fit) instead of the old 30%, or January's 24%, but going ultra-low carb for a week straight just didn't work as well for me. It worked, it was just exponentially slower.

I will still have to do ultra-low carb on more days than back-load days closer to prep for quicker fat shedding. To get contest ready, I'd like to be at around 12-15% (stage-ready lean). I don't really care about the weight as long as I look really good, curvy, lean and tight.


90dayPUSH | My Results

Me beaming with happiness in a dress. Fitness definitely builds confidence!

Since carb back-loading and starting the 90dayPUSH (3 back-to-back 30dayPUSHes), I have managed to make a rather good dent in my formerly stubborn apple-shape stature. Now my waist comes in more, my legs sweep out and in more with strength and femininity, my back is no longer plagued with rolls (the remaining fat is a significant improvement and will be taken care of in the next 12 weeks). I am also just a much happier camper, in my opinion.. and whether I look good or not, I'm really liking just existing right now.

I went from 123.8 lbs to 118 lbs - but the body fat percentage went from 23.8% to 18-19% (it may even be less now). While I weigh only 5.8 lbs less. that's approximately a 7.0444-lb decrease of fat and a 1.424-lb increase in lean body mass.

And the best part is, my stomach no longer looks flabby like it once [always] did. Now, while there remains a lot of work to be done to that area, I can see obliques, and I can definitely feel the muscle rippling beneath. In natural sunlight, one can see the work trying to shine through, beneath my last few remaining layers.

Success? I think so!


Everyone's Graduating (Even My Body!)

It's 13 weeks out and everyone decided to graduate some kind of school, this week. Nevermind that it's the beginning of June.

Sunday, I cleaned.. all. day. And did laundry. And cleaned some more. Did I mention the dishes? They must have respawned in the sink about 3 times. I didn't get to go to bed until past 11.

Yesterday I had to wake up at 5:30 AM for work. One of my most loathed things is having to get up that early. I was not happy about it. Plus, my mother decided not to tell me about my brother's high school graduation ceremony (which was for last night) until yesterday morning! It was an all-day endeavor pretty much, so  I ran straight there after work. Cortisol levels were definitely elevated for me, lemme tell you that. There was also no room for a workout. I didn't get to bed until past 11, again.

Today, my little guy graduates preschool! We both had to get up at 5:30 AM again, each day never becomes easier than the last. They will have a little ceremony at his daycare. I am less stressed about this one. Also, highly doubting I'll be able to fit a workout in today. I cannot keep going to sleep at past 11pm. Less than 7 hours of sleep is not good for someone undergoing contest prep.

Thursday a friend of mine is throwing a graduation party since she just graduated from university. My oh my it doesn't end!!!

This week, I am trying to stay on top of my water intake. It is horribly inconvenient, but necessary. I have to pee every 10 minutes, it seems.

I am also monitoring my caloric intake purely for the sake of fat loss. I am still eating enough protein and fat to fuel my muscles and workouts, but I am eating at a 20% caloric deficit - a gradual, not sudden or damaging, deficit, for an average of 0.8-1 lb fat loss per week. Healthy, and definitely within the accepted 1-2 lb/week rule. The only macro that truly changes is the carbohydrate. My rule of thumb is, if I'm not inducing hypertrophy, I don't need carbs that day. Ultra-low carb. IIFYM & CBL guidelines. I've found combining these really gets me the results I want, while not having to burn myself out.

I plan my workouts every week, but this week I had to write in 3 rest days (due to the fact that I take one every Sunday, but all these graduations leave me no time in the day to sneak a workout in without having to sacrifice sleep). It may become 4 rest days, depending on how Thursday plays out, but that just means I'm going to have to go HARD on every day that I DO hit the weights. So lots of compound moves - squats, deadlifts, pull-ups, upper body work, plyometrics, bench press. Every day I do end up going will just have to be double duty and efficient. I will carb-load on those nights as well. I won't eat as many carbs as I did last few weeks ago, since I'm easing into a caloric deficit that I will be on for the next 12 weeks.

Doing it all this way, believe it or not, is keeping me sane. It's keeping everything in order, statistical, and is preventing me from hurting myself or stressing myself to the point where my efforts are sabotaged. Even though I've never done any of this before, I'd like to do it the smart way, not the hard way.

So far so good. Whatever my actual body composition is, I've never been this happy about my body. Ever. 90 days of PUSH have changed my body's shape, now let's see where another 90 (give or take) days of contest prep will take my physique.



I will make a weekly update based on the weeks out leading to the competition. So stay tuned for Week 12 and other posts I may sprinkle every now and again!

15 Weeks Out | Anime Central 2013

My cutie (as Fix-It Felix of Wreck-It Ralph) got to meet Super Mario Brothers' Bowser!

I have a confession to make: I miss Anime Central!

Real Life: A break from Con?!

A fellow con-goer said it best. He pretty much insinuated that real life is just one long boring break in between conventions. Hahaha. It's too drab - compared to the weekend of fun, friends, and cosplay!

For those not in the know, Anime Central is a HUGE annual Midwest Anime/Japanese Culture convention hosted in Rosemont, IL. Think - anime films, TV series like Pokemon, Naruto, Bleach, Full Metal Alchemist (I'm just naming the popular ones) as well as video games like Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, and other popular video games. Lots of artists gather at the Lobby and have their own stands to sell unique creations such as art, prints, handmade goods, bags, trinkets, etc. Think schoolgirls, cutesy cartoons, Domo, you name it! Steampunk, World of Warcraft, League of Legends, Devil May Cry, Final Fantasy, etc. I could go on. Us comic book lovers went as well and made our appearances.

One of many impromptu Marvel photoshoots. Who knew posing would be so tiring?

It's not just Chicago people that go - hell, I've met people from New York who've come just to be at the con! It's the entire Midwest.

People are almost always very friendly! There is a kind of unity & comaraderie among the sea of nerds & enthusiasts that jam-packs the streets and the Donald E. Stephens Convention Center and all adjacent hotels.

The best thing (in my opinion) about ACen? You can be a little kid, and it's okay! Everyone else is on the same boat as you!

EXAMPLE: You could have a lifelong dream of wanting to meet Superman [just an example] and YOU WILL MEET SUPERMAN! And even better? If you have a lifelong dream of BECOMING Superman, you can BECOME Superman! AND OTHER PEOPLE WILL ACKNOWLEDGE YOU AS SUPERMAN!

I know I've probably said it before, but my best friend and I have made it a sort of annual tradition to go. We book a hotel room for the whole weekend, gather roomies, and treat it like one big mini-vacation.
And to think that I'm more comic book/games/fantasy-focused, as opposed to anime-focused.. this makes me a MILLION times more excited for Wizard World (Chicago Comic-Con, which I've never been to yet) this August! AIEEE!!!


Feels Good To Be "The Bad Guy"-?!

I went as a female version of Loki (see Marvel's Thor & The Avengers, both comic book series and films). Now I've cosplayed before in the past, but never as involved as I was this weekend.

In the past, I've cosplayed but never really BUILT or MADE any part of it until this year. This was my first year really feeling the excitement of a home-made cosplay. My sister made the corset, while I made the helm, and my boyfriend & I collaborated on the scepter: he constructed, I designed and detailed.

I have to really say, I REALLY owned being Loki. Not only did I feel super proud of how the cosplay came out, but I felt AMAZING. I was so relieved and thankful - to myself - that I decided to start getting serious about working out & really honing down my personal nutrition. I started really dealing with weights last year, but wasn't really serious about anything else, and my diet was horrendous. I didn't feel too confident back then either.

 Left: Blondie cosplay (Sucker Punch), 2012. Right: Loki cosplay (Marvel), 2013.

It may or may not be apparent in the comparison photos, but last year I was definitely 8-10 pounds heavier and not as healthy or strong. I liked my cosplay, however I didn't own it like I owned the Loki this year.

This year, this time around, a lot of people wanted pictures: and I mean, A LOT. While there was no official Marvel photoshoot, where ever I gathered with fellow Marvel/Avengers cosplayers, a group would gather for pictures, then it would grow like bacteria dividing. Everyone was super nice and excited to take pictures, and to be honest I felt pretty special!

I should have practiced posing though because I was NOT prepared, and I most likely looked very awkward for half of my shoots.

But here are some good ones that other people took that actually turned out amazing (in my opinion):

With my FFFL (Friend For F**king Life) as The Warden from Superjail 

This Thor told me "I need a picture with my sister!"

Stuttgart Loki and Lady Loki meet!

If you guys want to see the rest of the ACen pictures my friends and I took, head on over to my Facebook - I made the album public for viewing and tagging. :-)

No Excuses Though

Amidst the cosplay, fun, friends, and lots of alcohol and bad food (ie. half of a Baker's Square banana cream pie right before bed at 2 AM) on the premises, I made it a priority to get my exercise in during the weekend. While I prepared for the whole week to be able to do this, I still made sure that I was keeping my priorities and goals for contest preparation in mind.

Friday morning? I did back and shoulders/arms:

The nerd girl in her natural (other) habitat

And Saturday morning? A fasted session of HIIT on the cross-trainer, with a 20-minute break in the upper-level pool of the Hilton, followed by a leg/glute session in the weight area!

First bathing suit picture I don't cringe over! That's gotta say something right?!

I gotta say this though - that pool, that morning spending 20-30 minutes allowing the sunlight to filter through that 10th floor skylight and onto me as I float mindlessly around - that was probably the highlight of my entire weekend. Peace, serenity, just... enjoying life. And not worrying about how ugly I must have looked. Not a bother was given.

Progress Is Progress

Even though there are plenty of days I don't feel like I'm making progress, and there are still moments where I doubt the significance of what I'm doing.. the fact that I have more bounce in my step, the fact that I'm even taking a picture of me in my new bathing suit and posting it on my very public blog, the fact that I walked all weekend with my head high and a gleaming smile on my face (except when in character, of course).. really speaks for itself.

I always used to feel down about myself. Always putting myself down because others did, and believing the negative things that were said about me. But this fitness journey isn't just about aesthetics or fitting into the prettiest things.

I'm not even at that competition body yet. I don't know how well I'll do, or how difficult it's going to be. I still don't have anywhere near the perfect proportions of a woman, nor do I think I ever will.

For me, just getting to enjoy life is what makes it all worth it. The true me can be liberated, and unhindered by bad self-esteem. Those worrisome things - while still lurking around - are no longer the forefront of my thoughts. They no longer take the wheel and dictate my emotions. I can laugh louder now. I can smile more. I can enjoy every day and look forward to new beginnings, and never have to look to others for validation or self-worth ever again.

All because I'm pushing myself everyday, meeting small goals day by day, working hard not really for an end but for the sake of working hard itself.

To be honest, while this is all new to me, I'm loving it, and that's why I'm going to keep going.

Sorry for the late post!