We're women. Most of us females want to look good. Big, small, tall, short, black, white - whatever. I do not believe there is one universal criteria for beauty, for beauty literally comes in many forms.
And one of the most important contributors to everyone's individual beauty is not a pretty face or a perfect body - but a strong sense of self, and love.
Stop Being Afraid.. Just Do Something
This is why I strongly believe in strength training. But women are so misinformed about weights, and the effect lifting them can have on their bodies. You can either go one of - well, many ways - but I will use 2 extreme opposites as an example of how weight training can change a woman's body:
I highly respect all figure & bodybuilding athletes, as should you. Both types of physiques take a great amount of dedication and discipline to achieve.
But, as per my goals, I am training my lower body for maximum growth, improved shape, and definition. I'm going for more of the latter-group photo physique. To each their own, right? This, though, by no means "easier".. or even "easy" - since my body, as well as many other women's bodies, was not genetically pre-packaged this way. Like I've mentioned before, most of my body accumulates fat in the upper body (except the frontal region...) and my hips aren't typically female-wide. If I let go - and I have, in the past - I REALLY look like I let go.
Neither one of these figures can be obtained by running hours and hours a day, eating only yogurt and crackers and low-fat foods, and complaining. That is a nutrition plan for surefire fat gain and metabolic disaster. They were acquired by eating lots of protein and good fats to help the body run efficiently. I don't know about the Reef girls, but I would be willing to bet that carb manipulation throughout the weeks mostly had a part in shaping these bodies.
YOU Are In Charge
One point I've been wanting to get across is that strength training will get you the results you're after, and that it takes serious hard work and patience (lots of it) to get to those results.
It will NOT immediately give you a bodybuilding woman's physique - because if it was that easy, do you really think people would be competing for all the NOT-hard-work that they did to get on the stage?
Inversely, getting a shapely bikini body that screams strength (see Reef Girls above) doesn't mean that those particular women didn't need to work just as hard as the bodybuilding lady to get that way.. if they didn't, I think a LOT more of us would have bikini bodies (and that statement speaks for itself, just look around). You can take a supermodel or "sexy person" that society would unanimously agree is sexy - but make her compete in a bikini fit/figure competition, and watch the judges not place her at all if she didn't do a single ounce of work.
Hard work is a reward in and of itself. You work hard to get what you really want, and in turn the practice of hard work gives you more than the thing you wanted - and that is the satisfaction of being a hard worker and being a strong, capable human being.
YOU are in charge of YOU - not your genes, not your appetite. I had to learn this the hard, hard way. Sure, we can blame genetics for so-and-so, but we can do something about it. You can blame this guy and that person and your mom/dad/roommate/whatever for giving you bad self esteem - but try doing something you're good at, and watch the validity of their opinions suddenly dissipate into obscurity. You can replace that 3-hour daily TV session with a walk in the park, or some yoga, or even the gym. You can stop eating and relying on processed garbage or low-fat garbage for food. Or, just eat cleaner, made-from-scratch garbage like I do, and hell - WORK OUT, so that "garbage" actually warrants a beneficial purpose in your body - giving you muscle - instead of giving you another reason (ie. 5 extra pounds of fat) to complain about your body.
If you didn't have confidence to begin with, you can be sure that doing these things, and doing them consistently, will give you something to be confident about. And a reason to keep going and not give up.
Trust Me, I Sucked Once
These very words are being spouted by someone who comes from a deep, dark place of absolutely no self-confidence. I hated myself, absolutely loathed my own skin, so I am speaking from a very personal place.. and now, I really don't want to be anybody BUT myself.
I think this whole post is just me ranting, and for that I apologize.
I'm nowhere near perfect, and I never will be. I still have to remind myself these things. I still have to give myself pep talks - and at times, talk myself out of saying or doing stupid things that will erode at my personal & emotional progress. But I'm trying and that's more valuable than just complaining.
Pick Up That Barbell & Lift It
But, in all honesty, I really wouldn't be where I am today if I didn't decide to get strong and kill it in the gym everyday in that weight room. Not only do I not feel like a disgusting blob anymore, but I feel more empowered than I ever have in my entire life.
For one, I no longer rely on clothing to create more eye-pleasing illusions on my body (ie. tucking that gut, or shrinking a certain area) - and at the same time, it has liberated me from making bad clothing choices based on HIDING my frame. I'm no longer as afraid of shopping as I once was. And even though it was nerve-wracking as hell, I went bikini shopping for the first time two days ago - and now I'm excited for the summer, instead of dreading that other people will be looking good in their bikinis, and I'll be sitting in the shade in my XXXL t-shirt, wallowing in self-pity.
I also no longer feed into people's silly garbage when it comes to their opinions of me. Just last week, someone (whom I shall not name here) told me that I looked really bad and too skinny from "dieting too much" and that I give people the impression that I'm sick and unhealthy. Um, what? Not only was that an ignorant comment, but, since it came from that certain person - the same person who always used to tell me how fat and/or ugly I was - and the fact that the person NOTICED that my body was changing - I just took it as, I'm doing something right. I'm changing. What I've been doing is actually effective. And if I really did look sickly and anorexic, like this person insinuated, I think my friends would have intervened by now - and come over to my house with a "recovery" support group, and lots of freaking cake and chocolate and chicken wings just to feed me. If they did, I'd be eating until I passed out.
I feel more confident as a mother too. I am making such healthy and good choices in life that I am proud of embodying for my son to see. I love the fact that I am raising him in such an environment, and I believe mothers really need to take care of themselves more. I don't think kids like it when they see their moms burned out, or depressed, or even hating themselves. Families are much happier with happy, healthy parents. This is something my ex doesn't understand to this day.
I'm still a bit jealous of other girls - and I think that will always be ingrained in me, no thanks to the aformentioned person who said I looked sicky - but I now, I feel as if I at least have some ammo of my own. If the other girls are fully-loaded guns with all the gadgets and accessories, then in comparison, I no longer feel like an empty, useless chamber. Not sure if that makes sense, but that's the best way I can describe it without saying that I can hold my own now. I'm no longer just on the bench, wishing I was confident like them. In a non-cocky manner, I believe in myself and that I have worth - even though there are days I don't believe this.
My journey is still early, and at its baby stages - but I am getting there. I am slowly climbing my way up.
And you can too.
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