Honestly, when I told myself I needed to get in shape, I thought the only way to go about it was cardio. Endless, hamster wheel sessions of boring ass cardio. I thought, "Boy, I wasn't blessed with a naturally killer body like some girls, so I might actually have to work hard if I want to look good." That is one of the sad and unfair facts of life - only a few people are allowed to fall into the Blessed Gene Pool. I kept starting to run, then became diligent about it for a few weeks - but then I'd always stopped, and had to start over again. I bore easily, and if boredom could really kill, I should be turning over in my grave by now. Boring, boring, boring.
That, and I thought I could eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, so long as I put the time in at the gym (ahem, more like the treadmill). I didn't eat poorly, per se. I made and ate really good, relatively balanced food - but I just couldn't control my portions. I'd eat, eat, eat, because as we all know, food is amazing, and is a sign that God loves us (or is it the existence of bacon that's the sign? I don't know).
All the while, mother kept telling me "You need to lose your gut because you still look pregnant" WHILE I'm working out and SHE'S on the couch, mind you. And I had the echoes of a monster of an ex-boyfriend who used to tell me constantly that I had an "unshapely barrel body" that was not feminine at all. Yay.
Oh, was I miserable! Needless to say, I was unable to keep up this shell of a lifestyle. I also got tired of those people shoving insults down my throat, and I got fed up.
I began lifting and REALLY shaping up my life simply because I got fed up.
There was NO WAY I was just going to let these people tell me I'm ugly and fat and un-feminine and belittle me while I'm making the effort to get in shape! (They didn't it going for them, exactly, if you must know). There was no way I was going to continue letting them erode my self-esteem, and make me cry and get angry every day. They made me feel cursed, like the way I was born, and my very existence, were divine punishments. I never judge or belittle other people, so why was I getting this? I just thought, I shouldn't take it anymore.
A couple of major steps and some kick-your-sorry-ass-to-the-curb decisions later, I am here.
I only started incorporating cardio again into my routine a week ago. I do it in the form of High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT), and execute it in many ways. Plyometrics, Tabata, sprints, bikes, ellipticals. I do it purely for FAT loss (not WEIGHT loss).
I have not only been weight lifting religiously, but have come a long way in doing so. When I started, I could barely squat with an EZ-bar on my back.
I now eat accordingly. I have learned so much about bodily hormonal functions and macronutrient timing. I do not deprive myself, I just eat what's appropriate, when it's appropriate. Finding Keifer's Carb Nite Solution and Carb BackLoading have been such gold treasures. More to come on how these dietary protocols affected my life and training in a separate (next) post - it gets very complex.
One of my most cherished (and amusing) memories is having an old, very LOUD Olympic lifting coach yell at me across the gym and approach me to correct my squat form. The whole gym took notice, and he coached me on doing a few sets. Super gruelling stuff back in the day - I was growling and grunting from the pain, and he was only so happy to encourage more out of me. He wasn't trying to be a dick, he really just wanted me to get my form right so I could harvest the best results. And that's exactly what he did, from that one ten-minute encounter. He also told me some amazing advice - that lower body is one of the most important things to train for strength. Now I'm approaching 70-90 lbs with Olympic bars on the squat rack, and now it's become one of my short-term goals to be able to squat my bodyweight (120). Once I go above that, I will be in an advanced level. You can see it in my quads. They pop out. I bet he'd be proud of me now. I might have to thank him for propelling my weightlifting desires further than I could I could ever take them.
No one is allowed to affect me negatively these days. If someone claims negativity about me, to me, I will challenge it. I am no longer the scared, depressed, underling that people can push around. I really hate dwelling on bad stuff nowadays, compared to the olden days where I lingered on them, hoping that expecting the worst will help me avoid the worst (that does not work, by the way). I embrace each day as a fresh start, and a clean new slate to accomplish great things. I've told myself many times that it's impossible for me to pick only one path in life, and I continue to live true to that theory. I will do everything I can, learn anything I can absorb, before my time on earth expires. I don't have to do anything that anyone else tells me to, just because they say it is the way things should be.
I have a long way to go. But I'm much, much closer than I was yesterday. And now that's it's close to reach, I only get more and more eager by the day.
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