5 Weeks Out | Too Close

First things' first, I got my stripper heels in the mail (LOL) and my suit, custom-made by Ravish Sands, is currently on its way! How exciting is that? And here's my current physique progress:


My physique 5 weeks out. Never been this lean in my life!! :)

 But other than that, shit's still hard. Why does everything want to happen during the last, most crucial weeks of competition prep? To say I'm drained is just a flat out lie - I'm wrung out dry - psychologically, emotionally, physically & financially. People around me are either of no help or just making things worse.
I am so sleepy. I am kept awake daily by responsibility, stimulant fat burners and caffeine. I need more sleep. I'm the only one who believes that, it seems.

It is getting so hard at this point. To say that this path is filled with trial and tribulation would be sugarcoating the severity of the situation..

Fat Burners

I've been taking Cellucor Super HD for 2 1/2 weeks now. It is purely supplemental for me, as my diet is the one responsible for the actual results. But... holy crap.

There is an extra dose of caffeine in it that's extra for me, since I've upped my caffeine consumption from a small coffee to a large. I don't know what's in it that is making me a complete irritable and angry person. Is this what pre-workout feels like? If so, I should be banned from pre-workout for life. The world does not need me on pre-workouts.

I'm peeing even more (think I went too much before?!) and I'm almost never bloated. My stomach is staying flat, and I feel the thermogenic effects. Some days I'm convinced I have a fever because my mouth feels hot and my temperature rises. But I'm fine. Just angry all the time. Other people don't help, of course.

I like the product but I have to say, I can't wait to cycle off it. It's driving me up the wall.

Non-Training Related Prep

I have to set up appointments for first-time contact lenses, hair, snag a free makeup tutorial at the local Sephora, custom spray tan, regular tanning sessions post-training at my gym, possibly a bikini wax or two (I am NOT looking forward to that at ALL), a mani/pedi which I've also never experienced before...

I also have to come up with a posing/stage routine for the show. I REALLY need to get on this since I still don't have one made up.

I have to buy my INBA membership card and pay registration fees and fill out & submit the form to them. I have to possibly purchase an instructional DVD so I'm not totally clueless on the flow of things when I compete. I also need to put away money for a drug test.. they need to make sure all the competing athletes are natty (ahem, natural).

I am finding that there people around me who are actually serious about coming to watch me compete. What the actual fuu?! I don't think I would be so nervous if I was just doing this by strangers. But I have friends and family who are serious about going. I might be more nervous of the fact that I make friends and acquaintances with a bunch of different people across many spectrums, and I don't feel right having them all in the same room because I'm used to people fighting or not getting along. God no, I would hate that! I need to be completely focused on bringing out the best stage presence, the best me I can possibly present in 5 weeks time. Ugh, maybe life was simpler when I was a true hermit.

That being said, I'm gonna make a public invite thingy on my facebook soon. Just so people start giving me money for their tickets so I can order them. And whoever wants to celebrate with me post-comp is welcome to. God this is scarier than actual prep or the thought of comp day itself... People always complicate things in my life.

If I had it my way, I'd just eat, sleep, be a mommy, read and draw, work out, be healthy, eat carbs post-workout, and go out with friends when I have free time and/or money. No bullshit. No drama or crying or dumb games. No worrying about if the things I'm saying or doing (for myself) are offending people, or if being friends with a particular person is going to upset another. For fuck's sake, I have enough problems. Stop having expectations of me, because I'm human too and I can't be perfect. Maybe this is why "not giving a damn" is the best policy for maintaining one's sanity - or so they say. I don't know.

5 weeks out. I need to bring out the best.

7 Weeks Out | Leaning Out, But Becoming Bitchy!

I've become a sloth - An utter mental sloth. This has been the norm since 8 weeks out.

I cannot focus at work. Which is bad because my tasks have doubled - no, tripled almost- as soon as I started the dieting phase of my prep.

The good news though is that so far I'm on track with my fat loss - "shredding" might be the term some prefer to use - as little details are starting to come to light more and more each day, each week that I tread on. I'm starting to look and feel stronger, more athletic, and curvier each day.

It is crazy how diet can really affect the changes the body undergoes, as well as the timeframe it takes to achieve results:

My sister (and new fit buddy) Anna Lorraine took these pictures.
LOOK AT THE GAINS!!!!

 Being Bitchy..

Dieting and little room for cheats has really turned me into a completely irritable individual with little room for me to tolerate those who exhibit dumbassery (yes that is a word now) and do things that make me angry or upset. I used to let things slide all the time (you have NO idea how nice I really am) but now, watch out. No more being a "rug" that people can step on. I guess that is a good thing for me not to let people take advantage of me anymore, or let them think that they can hurt me and it'll be okay with me.

I guess what they say about competition prep really showing you who your real friends are, couldn't be closer to the truth than I could ever imagine. It's getting lonely down this road now, to be honest. That lets you know that a lot of people have fallen off board with me.

Also, ironically enough since this prep started, more people have mysteriously come out of the woodwork and asked me for favors. Do this, do that, for them. Seriously. And it doesn't help that apparently everything they want from me needs to be done by a certain deadline. Um, excuse me? Taking advantage [or completely disregarding] of the fact that my brain has been working at probably 60% efficiency? On top of me no longer being able to tolerate selfish and unpleasant behaviour??

I try to get 7-8 hours of sleep a night. Any less and I get ANGRY. Skip tired, skip the nice things, I just get plain mad. I've had my dealings lately with people that enjoy wasting my time (as if I don't have things to do), bringing drama to my table that I have no time for, and I'm TOO old for..  thus making me lose precious hours I need to sleep because it forces me to push my other duties back. It is imperative I sleep - calorie restriction is serious work.

I feel really bad that I have not updated this blog in a long time, and that would contribute both to the lethargy I've been under as well as the amount of responsibilities I've somehow incurred. But, as I've promised in the past, this is a stepping stone for an even bigger project, and these things take time to develop - as I have come to learn about many things.


Diet & Training Switch-Ups

There have been a lot of changes that've taken place since 12 weeks out, and they've been THAT gradual.. I wasn't able to just cut certain things out or change a routine completely in just a few days. That wouldn't be realistic anyway. I am highly adaptable, just not like a chameleon.

As for my training, I believe I've mentioned going from daily body splits to 4-5 full-body strength workouts per week, varying in volume, sets, reps.. but still all at high intensity. I've started incorporating kettlebell swings into my routine, which I am finding to be a rather fun cardio workout :-)

It is difficult but I am going to make myself do AM cardio, for the fasted benefits. Also, I do not want to have to do it in the afternoon after all the heavy lifting I gotta do.

I've also mentioned that I've switched to Carb Nite for sheer fat loss while maintaining the muscle I've built. This time though, I have everything calculated down to the gram, except the carb nite itself. The only guidelines for the carb nite are:

1) have a post-workout shake with carbs,
2) eat a low-fat, carb-filled meal 2 hours later
3) have one more meal (dessert) right before bed

Unlike the past when I made myself practically immobile and carb-pregnant on a carb nite, this time things were controlled. One shake, one meal, one dessert. That's it. Every 2 hours to get that 6-hour nighttime insulin spike needed to reset all my metabolic hormones for the most efficient fat-burning to take place in the body for the next week.

I also re-did the 10-day recalibration phase to make absolutely sure my glycogen reserves were emptied so that my body would respond in the best possible way once it was fed carbs...

Let me tell you, this was absolute HELL. I was an absolute anger-bomb (on top of the hellish me that has emerged from dieting alone), and did not want to get out of bed, or go to work, or even associate with anybody (just for the sake of not being a bitch to anyone). Unfortunately there were still people around me, so it's pretty much safe to say I've snapped at several people during those past 10 days. Not my proudest moments in life.. however, I did warn of my impending bitchiness due to the carb depletion on TOP of the caloric deficit. People still aggravated me. Oh well.

I scheduled the carb nites on Mondays simply so that Mondays wouldn't suck and, better yet, instead of dreading Monday, I'd look forward to it. And what a great idea it was because yesterday turned out pretty awesome. :-)


"Ermagerd, Kerbs"

Yesterday was Carb Nite #1 of prep (7/15). My post-workout fuel consisted of banana protein fluff w/creatine added to it. Very delicious - I was in heaven just from finally being able to have carbs. That banana never tasted so damn good, especially in fluff form. If you've never had protein fluff, it's got a consistency between whipped cream and ice cream. Super delicious.

For dinner I dragged my boyfriend with me to Marianos, our favorite grocery store ever. Okay, so I didn't really drag him. I insisted on satisfying my craving for sushi. He loves sushi too, so we had some fresh rolls made. He had a combination of various types while I stuck with my favorite Godzilla roll entree - 2 rolls of succulent, delicious sushi.

Not only was I making myself eat it slow and enjoy every graze of texture, every burst of flavor, and enjoy the sheer experience of eating sushi - but I'm pretty sure I was making a lot of uncouth noises in the store cafeteria. Public moaning induced by sushi? I gave no f**ks, to be honest. These people take carbs for granted and here I was, getting them after 10 days of sheer and absolute diet hell.

For my dessert, I bought a fresh-made lemon bar from the Marianos bakery. As you can see in the picture above, I am demolishing it. I love lemon bars sooooo much, and they make some of the best I've had (but then again, I haven't tried making them on my own yet). I saved that for until I got home and was prepared for bed. That one, I tried to eat slowly as well, but I think I failed. The lemony goodness was gone in a hearbeat.

Now that my glycogen reserves have been filled again and my hormones reset, it's time to do another week of ultra-low carb. I know this time, it won't be bad like the depletion phase because my body will slowly get used to this (as it has done before).

I will update again soon, since I've finally bought my competition heels and ordered my custom competition suit!!! I can't wait for all this to come along, this competition and journey have been like a fun package slowly being assembled to make one awesome product!