3 Weeks Out | 18 Days Until Showtime

This is gonna be rather quick. I have practically no time to update, but I'll make a little one anyway.

Less than 3 weeks away until the show! HOLY BEELZEBUB! Here is my current progress since last night (19 days out):

3 weeks out: looking and feeling vascular, despite 6 consecutive days of carb depletion.

Knowing When To Slow Down

I don't wanna burn out. I don't wanna damage my metabolism. I am doing enough work for the amount of food I've been eating. I've been tweaking my training volume around my Carb Nites. Tuesday's become my carb nites and will be until 8/20. Then I will go ULC until the last 3 days of my Peak Week, where I will carb up to maintenance for 3 days straight. AWWWW YEAHHH.

Because I do not want to damage myself in the LONG RUN, I've made it a point to keep all 5 training sessions per week 45 minutes long (or under).  I wanna grace the stage lean, but I don't wanna spend a lifetime trying to fix the damage of dieting and training too hard for my first prep (or any future prep, for that matter). I'm NOT gonna kill myself with everyday hour-long cardio like most people do, but will still do my HIIT's and circuits 3-4x/week. I have pulled two-a-days and that's fine with me. I will set these around my carb nite. Heavy work Wednesday, rest or cardio Thursday, heavy work Friday.. then start scaling down in weight and volume to maybe just full-body circuits Saturday, Monday, and Tuesday as I become more and more carb-depleted throughout the week. Absolute rest on Sunday. I am going for healthy - not just for my first competition, but life in general - and I don't wanna end up fried.

I've reduced the amount of bloaty food that I eat. I cook all my veggies so they don't give me stomach aches. I have reduced significantly the number of Quest Bars I eat on a given day.

I've also recently contracted a cold - I haven't felt sick in several months now, thanks to fitness and nutrition! - so I've been downing huge amounts of green and black tea, which is actually doing my body good in so many ways.

I keep taking my fat burner supplements and my Cellucor Super HD. No problems for me, but I can't wait to cycle off them and just focus on eating and lifting off-season. Off-season is gonna be off the hook, I already know.


30% Gym, 70% Diet??

And a quick reminder to those who are STILL doubting: you can train or run or exercise all you want, but you're not gonna see drastic changes unless your diet is on point. I was one of those un-believers until recently.

See for yourself, below for an example:

LEFT: 7 Weeks Out - VS - RIGHT: 4 Weeks Out
(3-week difference, diet on caloric deficit, CNS, and tracking macros.)

I gave myself 12 weeks to diet down for this competition, but haven't really been strict with it until about 8 weeks out. So the biggest difference is occuring during these past few weeks. Why? I've been tracking my macros and caloric intake every day during this diet. I'm not working out extra, or eating a dangerously low amount of calories. I am simply staying consistent.

Some days are better than others. Some days I cave in to extra scoops of peanut butter, or sneak a jelly bean in once in a while. I almost quit Carb Nite completely to reintroduce carbs (and sanity) back to my regular diet!

But, while the diet is difficult, the motivation I get from seeing myself lean out week by week in the mirror is what really drives me forward. I am not striving to look like somebody else, as my competition is right in front of me. What better way to grow and improve?!

I've also been enjoying the HELL out of meal prepping and cooking and planning my meals during this diet - since I have certain macros I need to stick to (which I've mentioned I like tracking) I've been coming up with all kinds of alternatives and concoctions that make sure I get the foods I like in, as long as I make certain adjustments. But that'll be all detailed in a different post.


Ain't Got Time For Your Shit

I've been dealing with stress, adjusting sleep schedules, dietary tweaks, monthly BLOAT and water weight gain. Which really wreaks havoc on one's perspective of oneself when trying to diet down.. especially for a show. I'll admit I've freaked out a few times that nothing I was doing was actually working.

But even with these hellraisers popping up everywhere, I've still stuck to ALL of my plans. I got less than 3 weeks left, there is absolutely NO room for excess garbage!

I am consciously making my days better by default. I really have no time or energy for stress (mostly other people's bullshit, pardon my French). No raised cortisol or added fat storage for me, no thanks. People pick fights with me and break my heart and/or make me upset on a regular basis. But guess what? Ain't nobody got time fo dat on contest prep!

Instead of crying or hurting, or even worrying to death, I choose an extra hour or two of sleep per night. I'll ignore the culprit and just think about what is more important at this point. They give me stress? I circumvent it. I ignore it, I focus on the things that matter - Kaeden, work, Kaeden's school, training, nutrition, prep for the show, etc. No time for drama.

People have been constantly throwing me under the bus, or putting me in the spotlight with all kinds of stupid questions. "Why are you not eating normal?" "Why aren't you doing this?" "Why are you doing that?" Why are you eating so much meat/etc.?" "Why are you taking another rest day?" "Why are you always weighing and measuring everything?" And they're not even questions that they want answered out of curiosity, or because they really want to know what I'm doing and why - but snarky, snide little comments that people mask as questions so they can jab you with negativity without sounding like an outright asshole. See hater in the dictionary. At least the self-professed assholes out there are forthcoming...

And these days I only have enough energy to tell them all the same thing: I don't have to answer to you! I really dont!

NO ONE rules my life but me. I have a life to raise on my own, as it is. I don't need stupid opinions or comments bogging me down.

NO ONE is going to keep me from stepping on that stage and COMPLETING this goal especially when I'm so close! Even though there are lots of little hands trying to pull me down. I'm GOING to do this.

5 Weeks Out | Too Close

First things' first, I got my stripper heels in the mail (LOL) and my suit, custom-made by Ravish Sands, is currently on its way! How exciting is that? And here's my current physique progress:


My physique 5 weeks out. Never been this lean in my life!! :)

 But other than that, shit's still hard. Why does everything want to happen during the last, most crucial weeks of competition prep? To say I'm drained is just a flat out lie - I'm wrung out dry - psychologically, emotionally, physically & financially. People around me are either of no help or just making things worse.
I am so sleepy. I am kept awake daily by responsibility, stimulant fat burners and caffeine. I need more sleep. I'm the only one who believes that, it seems.

It is getting so hard at this point. To say that this path is filled with trial and tribulation would be sugarcoating the severity of the situation..

Fat Burners

I've been taking Cellucor Super HD for 2 1/2 weeks now. It is purely supplemental for me, as my diet is the one responsible for the actual results. But... holy crap.

There is an extra dose of caffeine in it that's extra for me, since I've upped my caffeine consumption from a small coffee to a large. I don't know what's in it that is making me a complete irritable and angry person. Is this what pre-workout feels like? If so, I should be banned from pre-workout for life. The world does not need me on pre-workouts.

I'm peeing even more (think I went too much before?!) and I'm almost never bloated. My stomach is staying flat, and I feel the thermogenic effects. Some days I'm convinced I have a fever because my mouth feels hot and my temperature rises. But I'm fine. Just angry all the time. Other people don't help, of course.

I like the product but I have to say, I can't wait to cycle off it. It's driving me up the wall.

Non-Training Related Prep

I have to set up appointments for first-time contact lenses, hair, snag a free makeup tutorial at the local Sephora, custom spray tan, regular tanning sessions post-training at my gym, possibly a bikini wax or two (I am NOT looking forward to that at ALL), a mani/pedi which I've also never experienced before...

I also have to come up with a posing/stage routine for the show. I REALLY need to get on this since I still don't have one made up.

I have to buy my INBA membership card and pay registration fees and fill out & submit the form to them. I have to possibly purchase an instructional DVD so I'm not totally clueless on the flow of things when I compete. I also need to put away money for a drug test.. they need to make sure all the competing athletes are natty (ahem, natural).

I am finding that there people around me who are actually serious about coming to watch me compete. What the actual fuu?! I don't think I would be so nervous if I was just doing this by strangers. But I have friends and family who are serious about going. I might be more nervous of the fact that I make friends and acquaintances with a bunch of different people across many spectrums, and I don't feel right having them all in the same room because I'm used to people fighting or not getting along. God no, I would hate that! I need to be completely focused on bringing out the best stage presence, the best me I can possibly present in 5 weeks time. Ugh, maybe life was simpler when I was a true hermit.

That being said, I'm gonna make a public invite thingy on my facebook soon. Just so people start giving me money for their tickets so I can order them. And whoever wants to celebrate with me post-comp is welcome to. God this is scarier than actual prep or the thought of comp day itself... People always complicate things in my life.

If I had it my way, I'd just eat, sleep, be a mommy, read and draw, work out, be healthy, eat carbs post-workout, and go out with friends when I have free time and/or money. No bullshit. No drama or crying or dumb games. No worrying about if the things I'm saying or doing (for myself) are offending people, or if being friends with a particular person is going to upset another. For fuck's sake, I have enough problems. Stop having expectations of me, because I'm human too and I can't be perfect. Maybe this is why "not giving a damn" is the best policy for maintaining one's sanity - or so they say. I don't know.

5 weeks out. I need to bring out the best.

7 Weeks Out | Leaning Out, But Becoming Bitchy!

I've become a sloth - An utter mental sloth. This has been the norm since 8 weeks out.

I cannot focus at work. Which is bad because my tasks have doubled - no, tripled almost- as soon as I started the dieting phase of my prep.

The good news though is that so far I'm on track with my fat loss - "shredding" might be the term some prefer to use - as little details are starting to come to light more and more each day, each week that I tread on. I'm starting to look and feel stronger, more athletic, and curvier each day.

It is crazy how diet can really affect the changes the body undergoes, as well as the timeframe it takes to achieve results:

My sister (and new fit buddy) Anna Lorraine took these pictures.
LOOK AT THE GAINS!!!!

 Being Bitchy..

Dieting and little room for cheats has really turned me into a completely irritable individual with little room for me to tolerate those who exhibit dumbassery (yes that is a word now) and do things that make me angry or upset. I used to let things slide all the time (you have NO idea how nice I really am) but now, watch out. No more being a "rug" that people can step on. I guess that is a good thing for me not to let people take advantage of me anymore, or let them think that they can hurt me and it'll be okay with me.

I guess what they say about competition prep really showing you who your real friends are, couldn't be closer to the truth than I could ever imagine. It's getting lonely down this road now, to be honest. That lets you know that a lot of people have fallen off board with me.

Also, ironically enough since this prep started, more people have mysteriously come out of the woodwork and asked me for favors. Do this, do that, for them. Seriously. And it doesn't help that apparently everything they want from me needs to be done by a certain deadline. Um, excuse me? Taking advantage [or completely disregarding] of the fact that my brain has been working at probably 60% efficiency? On top of me no longer being able to tolerate selfish and unpleasant behaviour??

I try to get 7-8 hours of sleep a night. Any less and I get ANGRY. Skip tired, skip the nice things, I just get plain mad. I've had my dealings lately with people that enjoy wasting my time (as if I don't have things to do), bringing drama to my table that I have no time for, and I'm TOO old for..  thus making me lose precious hours I need to sleep because it forces me to push my other duties back. It is imperative I sleep - calorie restriction is serious work.

I feel really bad that I have not updated this blog in a long time, and that would contribute both to the lethargy I've been under as well as the amount of responsibilities I've somehow incurred. But, as I've promised in the past, this is a stepping stone for an even bigger project, and these things take time to develop - as I have come to learn about many things.


Diet & Training Switch-Ups

There have been a lot of changes that've taken place since 12 weeks out, and they've been THAT gradual.. I wasn't able to just cut certain things out or change a routine completely in just a few days. That wouldn't be realistic anyway. I am highly adaptable, just not like a chameleon.

As for my training, I believe I've mentioned going from daily body splits to 4-5 full-body strength workouts per week, varying in volume, sets, reps.. but still all at high intensity. I've started incorporating kettlebell swings into my routine, which I am finding to be a rather fun cardio workout :-)

It is difficult but I am going to make myself do AM cardio, for the fasted benefits. Also, I do not want to have to do it in the afternoon after all the heavy lifting I gotta do.

I've also mentioned that I've switched to Carb Nite for sheer fat loss while maintaining the muscle I've built. This time though, I have everything calculated down to the gram, except the carb nite itself. The only guidelines for the carb nite are:

1) have a post-workout shake with carbs,
2) eat a low-fat, carb-filled meal 2 hours later
3) have one more meal (dessert) right before bed

Unlike the past when I made myself practically immobile and carb-pregnant on a carb nite, this time things were controlled. One shake, one meal, one dessert. That's it. Every 2 hours to get that 6-hour nighttime insulin spike needed to reset all my metabolic hormones for the most efficient fat-burning to take place in the body for the next week.

I also re-did the 10-day recalibration phase to make absolutely sure my glycogen reserves were emptied so that my body would respond in the best possible way once it was fed carbs...

Let me tell you, this was absolute HELL. I was an absolute anger-bomb (on top of the hellish me that has emerged from dieting alone), and did not want to get out of bed, or go to work, or even associate with anybody (just for the sake of not being a bitch to anyone). Unfortunately there were still people around me, so it's pretty much safe to say I've snapped at several people during those past 10 days. Not my proudest moments in life.. however, I did warn of my impending bitchiness due to the carb depletion on TOP of the caloric deficit. People still aggravated me. Oh well.

I scheduled the carb nites on Mondays simply so that Mondays wouldn't suck and, better yet, instead of dreading Monday, I'd look forward to it. And what a great idea it was because yesterday turned out pretty awesome. :-)


"Ermagerd, Kerbs"

Yesterday was Carb Nite #1 of prep (7/15). My post-workout fuel consisted of banana protein fluff w/creatine added to it. Very delicious - I was in heaven just from finally being able to have carbs. That banana never tasted so damn good, especially in fluff form. If you've never had protein fluff, it's got a consistency between whipped cream and ice cream. Super delicious.

For dinner I dragged my boyfriend with me to Marianos, our favorite grocery store ever. Okay, so I didn't really drag him. I insisted on satisfying my craving for sushi. He loves sushi too, so we had some fresh rolls made. He had a combination of various types while I stuck with my favorite Godzilla roll entree - 2 rolls of succulent, delicious sushi.

Not only was I making myself eat it slow and enjoy every graze of texture, every burst of flavor, and enjoy the sheer experience of eating sushi - but I'm pretty sure I was making a lot of uncouth noises in the store cafeteria. Public moaning induced by sushi? I gave no f**ks, to be honest. These people take carbs for granted and here I was, getting them after 10 days of sheer and absolute diet hell.

For my dessert, I bought a fresh-made lemon bar from the Marianos bakery. As you can see in the picture above, I am demolishing it. I love lemon bars sooooo much, and they make some of the best I've had (but then again, I haven't tried making them on my own yet). I saved that for until I got home and was prepared for bed. That one, I tried to eat slowly as well, but I think I failed. The lemony goodness was gone in a hearbeat.

Now that my glycogen reserves have been filled again and my hormones reset, it's time to do another week of ultra-low carb. I know this time, it won't be bad like the depletion phase because my body will slowly get used to this (as it has done before).

I will update again soon, since I've finally bought my competition heels and ordered my custom competition suit!!! I can't wait for all this to come along, this competition and journey have been like a fun package slowly being assembled to make one awesome product!

10 Weeks Out | A Rough Climb.



I started vlogging my journey to the stage, click to watch!

 I messed up this weekend. I am not very proud of it but it's the truth. I ended up eating a lot of carbs on Friday night, after coming home from hanging out with friends. I managed to keep my calories below maintenance on Saturday, but I ended up eating out again to catch up with my best friend, who has been out-of-town for over 2 weeks. Sunday, I kept it ultra-low carb, but ended up eating out again for all of my meals so I really couldn't track my caloric intake.

At least on Sunday I committed to going to the gym first thing in the morning - after my coffee, of course - to spend 30 minutes on the treadmill. In between that, I did my 6 HIIT cycles. That I am proud to say I did.
I can't let people sway me anymore into going off-track. So far, no one understands the importance of what I'm doing, and I'm not expecting them to. I didn't want to eat out on Saturday, nor did I want to eat our on Sunday either. I like feeling comfortable being able to track my caloric intake, because I know I will eat at maintenance or above levels if I leave it to my body to decide my satiety. I love my friends, but I cannot keep doing this.

I am 10 weeks out and luckily, I am seeing some positive changes. Little, slow, but progress nonetheless.


Training Tweaks

For one, I'm only going to aim for 1 actual rest day per week. I need to be doing some form of HIIT cardio at least 4-5x/week. NO STEADY STATE. A no-lifting day can easily be a cardio day.

I will train upper body twice a week and lower body twice or thrice a week. Higher training frequency helps muscles grow better than training a body part once a week. Two heavy days for each, and at least one day of super-setting and/or higher reps until failure for a good pump on each half of my body.

I'm trying out a cheap bottle of raspberry ketones to possibly aid with fat loss. It's only a supplement and it supposedly helps with lypolisis. We'll see. May purchase a thermogenic fat burner soon to help with increasing my body temperature. I know I may have to take water pills during the last few weeks of prep.


Nutrition Is Still #1

Training is a breeze compared to the 100% dedication I must commit to my nutrition:

I've stopped eating dairy. I love dairy products - cheese, milk, etc. I've even cut out cottage cheese, my favorite. The reason why is because I am moderately lactose intolerant, but the effects are most apparent with actual cow's milk more than it is with cheeses. My stomach gets upset and my body bloats for a day or two when I ingest anything dairy.

I have made a grocery list of foods that I eat on a regular basis, and I will be sticking with that list (with minor adjustments here and there) for the next 10 weeks. It is so much easier to track everything when you eat the same things all the time.

I will be adding more lean protein and cutting out certain fatty meats out of my contest diet, just so I can personally control my fat intake on a given day. I'm still eating bacon and sausages and whole eggs especially on ULC days. On a carb back-load day, I will be eating much less fat so I can appropriately fit in carbs into my macros post-workout, and so no excess of fat can slow down the much needed insulin spike in my body to the high-glycemic carbs.

I don't know if I've mentioned, but my carbs have gone from ~200g a day to now around 100-164g. I might have to cut out the banana (or just halve the serving) in my post-workout protein fluff just so my actual dinner/meals can be more fulfilling. Nothing wrong with getting more real food in the diet.

I've started drinking more coffee in the morning. I might have to start cutting out the Splenda soon, or at least just cutting back to 1 packet per day.

The cleaner and more whole foods I eat during this prep, the better off my body is. It won't be reacting with bloat or other unnecessary digestive issues to dairy or gluten or artificial sweeteners.

Still ingesting whey post-workout as it responds very quickly to my sore muscles. It is critical I preserve the muscle mass I've accumulated during this fat-loss phase.


The Levels Are Getting Harder

Things in life, as with prep, are continuing to increase in difficulty. They are in line with one another. It seems like this is the part with the steepest climb, and the higher I climb, the harder each step gets. Everything is trying to resist change.

Issues with debts, jobs, responsiblities, money, family and friends seem to be on the climb. I continue to hold my head up nonetheless. I will stay strong as I have no other choice - giving up in any area of life is not an option. And that is probably what I love about this whole challenge - that it helps me develop thick skin and strong mental and emotional skills that cannot be acquired by sitting around and not accepting/confronting change.

As the cliche goes, the only constant in life is change. And I am mutable, so I will just face whatever challenge I'm met with. Crying and falling and getting hurt is acceptable, but giving up is not.

Just gotta keep swimmin'.

11 Weeks Out | Being Bad, Freaking Out

Really need to start taking progress pictures in better lighting conditions..

I have 11 weeks left - actually, less now that it's Tuesday - to go from 118 to a lean, cut 108-110.

And after yesterday's Leg Day #1, I'm pretty sure I blew past my caloric allowance for the day with all the sushi I devoured at Sushi Station. To put things in perspective, my pile of plates matched my sister's pile and my boyfriend's pile - put together.

To say that I was crawling on all fours would be no mere figurative statement.


Eating Less

I find that having to eat at a caloric deficit is much more challenging than training 5-6 days a week or daily (and precise) nutrient timing. I'm used to eating at or above maintenance levels. I cannot express enough how much I love food - hell, I am excited for this contest prep to be over for the sole purpose of being able to eat substantially more, and building more muscle in the process.

Therein lies the challenge. Usually women think they need to eat only 1000 calories or less a day to lose weight, but my body hates that. It shuts down all prospects of fat loss and completely stalls. Still, my deficit is still very apparent, despite it being a gradual thing.

To lose a pound a week, I have to intake an average of 1436-1521 calories daily. My maintenance calories (to stay the same weight) would be around 1937-2028 calories. Per week I should be losing about .8-1 lb body fat. Sounds easy and concrete on paper, but real life is a very different story.

I do wanna get it out of people's heads that just because I'm eating at a deficit, does not mean I'm starving myself or that I'm slowly killing myself. In fact, my calorie allowance being less means I have to pick foods that are superior in quality and macronutrients, and are dense for health and fullness. That means significantly more veggies for fullness, fiber, and added benefits without the extra calories. That also means being picky with the carbs I eat.

Lots more meat, high amounts of fat on low-carb days, and low-fat everything pretty much on a day I get to carb back-load. There is a fine balance and trade-off with each day. On ultra-low carb days, I get to enjoy chorizo and sausages and eggs fried in butter with bacon. On back-load days, while I need to watch for the fat content, I get to eat rice or sweet potatoes and raspberry kolackys, and end the night with some cookie dough ice cream (which has become my standard CBL routine these days). Besides, only having all carbs and fat in one meal/sitting - while that sounds really tasty - is just a bad idea.

Believe it or not, I'm still eating this.. for now.

Trying To Get It Right

I might have been bad on Monday, but it was heavy duty leg day. It is so heavy volume and intense that I do not do cardio or train any other body part on those days. And was it really "bad," if I needed to eat high-glycemic carbs post-workout anyway? At least my quads, glutes, hamstrings and calves got some nice juice yesterday.

How am I supposed to behave when this is staring me in the face?!

If I'm remorseful - which I kinda am - I will just make up for it with additional cardio. Today's session will be HIIT and upper body with a focus on back. I'll probably do an extra HIIT session this week, maybe on Thursday and another one Friday and Saturday even. I only planned for 3 sessions, but I did eat all that sushi and my current focus is fat loss and not building. I'm probably gonna hate it, but oh well.

Water-loading is really inconvenient. 2 gallons of water a day is what I'm aiming for. It's great that I'm getting very hydrated and all, but all these trips to the bathroom is getting pretty ridiculous. Maybe I will play with water/carb manipulation this week, to see how it works and looks on my body. I don't really have to do it until Peak Week (which will be the week leading up to the show) but I am planning a beach outing in a few days, so what better reason to practice than for bikini season.

And if I go to the beach this week, it will be the first day I debut on the beach in a real bikini. No big t-shirts, no hideous cover-ups. I will have to fight the urge to cover up. Even though I've worked so hard these past few months and have felt so good about myself, a big part of me is still horrendously worried. It hasn't been turned off yet, and has had no challenge.. until now. I will probably wear something pretty over it while I'm on my way there for modesty's sake, but I really need to step out of my damn comfort zone and get over this whole bikini body issue once and for all. I'm done being an envious, depressed worrywart in the beach. It's time I enjoy the summer and feel comfortable in my own skin.

I'm still shaking at the thought, though.


Still..

To be honest, I am worried. I'm wondering if I can lean down by the show. I've never been stage-ready lean before, and I'm doing this all on my own. I've stated these worries numerous times before, but now I'm 11 weeks out. The gravity of the situation has shifted dramatically. In just a few weeks, I will be in the single-digit week countdown.

I'm also worried about all the things I have to arrange and purchase for this day. The first thing on the list is the tan. I've always hated getting a tan, let alone the process of it - I always get sunburned first - and I used to avoid it at all costs, thanks to the help of SPF100 sunscreen. Now, I HAVE to shift my attitude. I HAVE to get a good base tan in. Luckily for me now, a big part of me has grown really curious regarding how my body & face will look with a real tan, because now I have muscle that just might show well. I just hate lines.

I have been contemplating getting a spray tan - because F**K the bed, I'm not getting cancer - before I actually go out this weekend. I don't wanna be uneven, especially if I have to compete in a bikini smaller than my real one in August. Yet another new experience for me.

Money is always an issue and I just have to start purchasing things slowly and checking off the list to make sure I don't miss a thing. The next on the list would have to be those stripper- I mean, clear heels. Because I need to practice posing 8 weeks out. This is another story, seeing as I'm a nervous wreck and I have to watch countless videos to teach myself how to have good stage presence and nail the posing down for a good Bikini Athlete. BAH!

To be honest, working out and eating is easy, compared to the stress and anxiety all this other prep is giving me.

"Be Patient, Be Consistent, Just Relax" is a mantra I'm gonna have to start taping to my forehead and scribbling all over my arms and legs really soon.

12 Weeks Out | Official Prep

It's official - I'm dieting down for the 2013 INBA Natural Universe this August - to get in the best, stage-ready shape of my life.

No pressure at all!

With that said, I just want to share a few of many, many feelings I have regarding this upcoming show. The caffeine I've reintroduced into my system is definitely kicking in now - or is it all the adrenaline from thinking about the contest?


22-13 Weeks Out, Beyond Physical Transformation

I would like to share that at this stage of my physical transformation, I am actually pretty happy with where I am. While I'm not complacent, and I know I have a lot more improvements to make, I have never been this happy in my own skin until now. I wanna say, I've been feeling pretty comfortable and happy in my own skin for a good 2 months now.

What I'm trying to say is, while I know I have much more work to do, this journey has really developed the me inside, in ways I could never imagine especially when this year just began.

This is the thing that surprises me the most. Not too long ago, I was out-of-shape and not very strong - physically, or psychologically. My self esteem mirrored all aspects of my health, to be honest I did not find that person fun or pleasant to be around at all. I was constantly nitpicking all the flaws I had and feeling dejected that I couldn't change them.

Nowadays, since I've picked up the iron as a habit, and since I've started eating properly and carefully listening to my body's needs (as if my body was a temple), it feels as if the mere but challenging act of shaping and growing my muscles has somehow also translated into shaping and growing myself within. It's overwhelming, actually. I've never felt this good before. It's actually pretty scary!

It translates physiologically as well as emotionally. My hear pumps faster and faster these days. I can no longer contain my excitement about things. I want to hug and kiss all my friends and loved ones and connect with them enthusiastically, as opposed to my former, very shut-in self that was afraid of human physical contact. I don't mind talking to strangers anymore - in fact, I get excited about what I may learn from them. I have this overwhelming urge to share the love I feel inside. [It sounds like I've lost my marbles, or ingested some ecstasy.. I can assure you I haven't.] The most frightening thing is that there is so much life wanting to burst out of me, and I don't believe even my insecurities and hang-ups can contain the life growing in me anymore. This side effect is something I definitely did not see coming when I made my New Year's Resolution this January.

Since January, I made the vow and promise to myself to finally get in amazing shape. I've wanted this since I could remember - well, since my growth spurt occurred. If you knew me personally, you might wonder, what growth spurt? Exactly.

My quads are looking pretty athletic and - well, kick-ass.

I lost a decent amount of body fat since then and gained some muscle mass. My weight loss is not drastic, because it does not need to be. At this halfway point, I can say that I'm pretty happy with the results I've achieved through hard work and dedication. This body I'm in right now is something I can be proud of, for all that is has been capable of doing for me. Most of all, I've strengthened not just my body but my mind and soul as well.


What's To Come

I'm going to focus on shedding the last pounds of body fat for the next 12 weeks. I am also going to keep making gains all over my body.

I am going to be eating less (but not by much), I'm going to be in a ketogenic state more often than not. I'm gonna do more HIIT cardio, walking, and plyometrics to encourage my body to burn its own fat.

I'm going to make sure that carbs are strictly for post-workout during these next 12 weeks, as difficult as that may be. But, I am going to be grateful for and enjoy every bite of carb that I am allowed within my macro numbers to enjoy. Even a cup of ice cream in one night is going to be the most amazing experience ever.

I'm going to tackle everday as a fresh start and meet my goals for each day. I'm going to be drinking 1-2 gallons of water and going to the bathroom a lot to flush the water out of my system.

I'm going to hit every macro goal with gusto. I'm going to focus on staying healthy and leaning down gradually, and I'm going to avoid crash-dieting of any sort.

I'm going to attempt to stress out as little as possible during such a stressful preparation for this very foreign and intimidating event. I'm going to make sleep a priority.

I'm going to train hard and eat right daily, but I'm also going to enjoy life with my friends, family and loved ones to the best of my abilities.

I'm probably going to have bad days, sad days, and even days where I feel no motivation whatsoever.. but I'm going to continue and go to the gym every day.

I'm going to hold my head high every day, and grit my teeth and bear the pain if the day should prove difficult and cruel.

And you know what? No matter what happens, I'm going to step on that stage to bring a package that I'm proud of, inside and out.

Flexibility: Fitting Prep With Life

Contest prep starting this Sunday 6/9 is going to have to be strict. In numbers and in intensity. For fat loss to happen, I need to do things right - which means lots of planning.

I'm glad to say that at this point in my fitness journey, I'm not completely clueless about what to do with my contest prep - I can only hope that what I plan is actually going to work.

Like I always say, "Be patient. Be Consistent. Just Relax." Always needing to remind myself.

This week (at 13 weeks out from the INBA) is my transition week. I've reduced calories (gradually) and I'm trying to get used to monitoring my caloric intake daily on MyFitnessPal.

I've taken my life and the hectic nature of it, and its inhabitants, into careful consideration: While everything on the list must be checked off, and every number met and not exceeded, I have created a plan that allows for every week's goals to be completed with flexibility.

How am I doing this?


Setting A Weekly Calorie Goal

I am monitoring my caloric intake for each week - which means I allot myself a number I must meet by the end of each week (my example: Saturday nights).

Setting a weekly calorie goal - as opposed to a strict daily goal - allows me to eat according to training intensity as well as rest/light days. It also prevents me from getting stressed if I go over my calories, let's say, post-resistance training. I am satisfied whether it is a rest/cardio day or a training day.

My personal daily caloric intake, for example, must approximately be 1550/day for fat loss to occur.  That makes a total of 10,850 for the whole week. As long as I meet 10,850 by Saturday, I'm good.


Carb Back-Loading

I'm still carb-back loading, just on a smaller scale - seeing as I am afraid to stall on progress by switching to Carb Nite and cutting carbs out 6x/week. Disclaimer: This is my personal experience, Carb Nite works wonders for a lot of people, especially those with higher body fat percentages. Maybe someday down the line I'll try it, but I've learned time and time again that my body likes to cycle carbs. I did Carb Nite for 3 weeks, but I've been carb back-loading since February, and it's now June and my results have been stellar.

I will be staggering ULC & back-load days so it's on/off/on/off from carbs. My carb back-loads will just fit my macros so I'm still within the fat loss guidelines I've set for myself, and will be taking place only on post-training days. Which means...


Training & Cardio

I also will be alternating my days between training and cardio - for now. Weight day, cardio, repeat. I do not like doing this for some strange psychological reason, but I need to give my body proper rest because I will be increasing the frequency of training for each body part.

The glutes and legs part is already covered - I already train them multiple times a week. I will be training my arms, shoulders, and back twice each per week at varying intensities. So a lot of my training days are going to consist of as many compound moves as possible so I am hitting multiple muscles simultaneously, and not spending hours and hours in the gym.

The reason for the increase in frequency is because frequency is a key component for muscle growth, not just volume alone. The more it's used, the more the muscle will grow. With adequate rest periods in between sessions, of course.

Work hard, but more importantly, work smart.

I will be re-adding HIIT into my routine as well. I cycled off it for two weeks now, to give my body some rest from the high-intensity workouts. It will either be in the form of sprints, Tabata, plyo, or other made-up circuits I wish to do.


Flexibility

The most important component to my success (besides commitment & consistency) with this 12-week prep is this very concept.

Everything needs to be done, but when it gets done is something I've let be the variable. Life throws so much at us that it's rare to set a solid, unyielding plan for a week and not have something try to get in the way of its completion.

Scenarios? If friends want me to come over and have a fiesta one day, I will plan a heavy training session before I go to the party so I can eat carbs. If, for some reason, I can't make it to the gym that day, or I absolutely cannot work out that day, then I will consider it a rest day and adjust my intake for that day. If for some reason I cannot go to the gym for a couple days in a row (as was the case this week) I will plan a lot of compound moves and high-volume exercises on fewer days to make sure I train every part of my body adequately, and meet the intensity I need. If I eat too much one day, I can scale it back the next day and it will even out. If I eat too much for the week, I can add an extra session of cardio or do more sets/reps in my next training day.

The goals are pretty much set on a weekly basis, and must be met by the end of each week.


I have prepared for life to throw my plans for prep out of balance. This adaptable plan will hopefully get my to my contest goals. I gotta peace out though, but this is pretty much what the next 12 weeks are gonna look like.

My ultimate goal is to minimize the risk of insanity and burn-out as much as possible, all while promoting a healthier life and a better, stronger, sexier body and outlook on life!

Remember people, there is only one you, take care of it!

13 Weeks Out | Commencement

It is here. It is getting really close to the dieting portion of contest prep - or as I'd prefer to call it, fat loss.

I think I've established that I hate the word diet just as much as I hate the word tone. For example, this has to be the most ear-scratching sentence in my book:

"I really like, need to go on a 1000-calorie diet because I'm like, soooo out of shape, but I only wanna do cardio and NOT lift weights cause I'm not trying to get bulky, I just wanna get toned."

...Need a tissue cause my ears just bled.

I digress. On to the important stuff.


Prepping For Real Prep

I need 12 weeks of fat-loss prep so my leaning down is gradual, and not a complete shock to the system. I am trying to avoid metabolic damage at all costs. I want to be healthy and lean, and look nice and full on the stage, not stringy and burned out and desperate for a cupcake.

I'm prepping for this 12 weeks of possible mental/emotional hell by eating ultra-low carb on days I do not work out. I am staggering my carb back-load nights and eating in congruence with my training intensity for that day (example: Leg day gets much more carbs post-workout).

Ultra-low carb? No problem! Eggs and chorizo it is!

I have also determined my correct macronutrient needs for my personal needs via If It Fits Your Macros, which pretty much promotes "Flexible Dieting." Go to the site for a detailed explanation of the approach. For example, you figure out your numbers via: your height, weight, age, activity/body fat level, and ultimate goals. Eat to make sure you are hitting those numbers daily (protein/fat/carbs), and the food choices are really up to you. Obviously, you'd eat mostly nutritionally dense and healthy food, and a few snacks here and there will not only not kill you, but will help you meet your macro needs for the day.

I'm telling you, IIFYM practitioners.. no matter what eating style they pick (Paleo, Low Carb, Keto, Clean) they get ripped. Your macros are specific to you and your goals. It just works. And the best thing about it is, it works for contest prep. I can do CBL or CN protocols within my own specific macronutrient guideline, to get the best results for me.

I also learned that my body loves cycling carbs on and off by the days. It may be because my body fat is now at around 18-19% (considered fit) instead of the old 30%, or January's 24%, but going ultra-low carb for a week straight just didn't work as well for me. It worked, it was just exponentially slower.

I will still have to do ultra-low carb on more days than back-load days closer to prep for quicker fat shedding. To get contest ready, I'd like to be at around 12-15% (stage-ready lean). I don't really care about the weight as long as I look really good, curvy, lean and tight.


90dayPUSH | My Results

Me beaming with happiness in a dress. Fitness definitely builds confidence!

Since carb back-loading and starting the 90dayPUSH (3 back-to-back 30dayPUSHes), I have managed to make a rather good dent in my formerly stubborn apple-shape stature. Now my waist comes in more, my legs sweep out and in more with strength and femininity, my back is no longer plagued with rolls (the remaining fat is a significant improvement and will be taken care of in the next 12 weeks). I am also just a much happier camper, in my opinion.. and whether I look good or not, I'm really liking just existing right now.

I went from 123.8 lbs to 118 lbs - but the body fat percentage went from 23.8% to 18-19% (it may even be less now). While I weigh only 5.8 lbs less. that's approximately a 7.0444-lb decrease of fat and a 1.424-lb increase in lean body mass.

And the best part is, my stomach no longer looks flabby like it once [always] did. Now, while there remains a lot of work to be done to that area, I can see obliques, and I can definitely feel the muscle rippling beneath. In natural sunlight, one can see the work trying to shine through, beneath my last few remaining layers.

Success? I think so!


Everyone's Graduating (Even My Body!)

It's 13 weeks out and everyone decided to graduate some kind of school, this week. Nevermind that it's the beginning of June.

Sunday, I cleaned.. all. day. And did laundry. And cleaned some more. Did I mention the dishes? They must have respawned in the sink about 3 times. I didn't get to go to bed until past 11.

Yesterday I had to wake up at 5:30 AM for work. One of my most loathed things is having to get up that early. I was not happy about it. Plus, my mother decided not to tell me about my brother's high school graduation ceremony (which was for last night) until yesterday morning! It was an all-day endeavor pretty much, so  I ran straight there after work. Cortisol levels were definitely elevated for me, lemme tell you that. There was also no room for a workout. I didn't get to bed until past 11, again.

Today, my little guy graduates preschool! We both had to get up at 5:30 AM again, each day never becomes easier than the last. They will have a little ceremony at his daycare. I am less stressed about this one. Also, highly doubting I'll be able to fit a workout in today. I cannot keep going to sleep at past 11pm. Less than 7 hours of sleep is not good for someone undergoing contest prep.

Thursday a friend of mine is throwing a graduation party since she just graduated from university. My oh my it doesn't end!!!

This week, I am trying to stay on top of my water intake. It is horribly inconvenient, but necessary. I have to pee every 10 minutes, it seems.

I am also monitoring my caloric intake purely for the sake of fat loss. I am still eating enough protein and fat to fuel my muscles and workouts, but I am eating at a 20% caloric deficit - a gradual, not sudden or damaging, deficit, for an average of 0.8-1 lb fat loss per week. Healthy, and definitely within the accepted 1-2 lb/week rule. The only macro that truly changes is the carbohydrate. My rule of thumb is, if I'm not inducing hypertrophy, I don't need carbs that day. Ultra-low carb. IIFYM & CBL guidelines. I've found combining these really gets me the results I want, while not having to burn myself out.

I plan my workouts every week, but this week I had to write in 3 rest days (due to the fact that I take one every Sunday, but all these graduations leave me no time in the day to sneak a workout in without having to sacrifice sleep). It may become 4 rest days, depending on how Thursday plays out, but that just means I'm going to have to go HARD on every day that I DO hit the weights. So lots of compound moves - squats, deadlifts, pull-ups, upper body work, plyometrics, bench press. Every day I do end up going will just have to be double duty and efficient. I will carb-load on those nights as well. I won't eat as many carbs as I did last few weeks ago, since I'm easing into a caloric deficit that I will be on for the next 12 weeks.

Doing it all this way, believe it or not, is keeping me sane. It's keeping everything in order, statistical, and is preventing me from hurting myself or stressing myself to the point where my efforts are sabotaged. Even though I've never done any of this before, I'd like to do it the smart way, not the hard way.

So far so good. Whatever my actual body composition is, I've never been this happy about my body. Ever. 90 days of PUSH have changed my body's shape, now let's see where another 90 (give or take) days of contest prep will take my physique.



I will make a weekly update based on the weeks out leading to the competition. So stay tuned for Week 12 and other posts I may sprinkle every now and again!

15 Weeks Out | Anime Central 2013

My cutie (as Fix-It Felix of Wreck-It Ralph) got to meet Super Mario Brothers' Bowser!

I have a confession to make: I miss Anime Central!

Real Life: A break from Con?!

A fellow con-goer said it best. He pretty much insinuated that real life is just one long boring break in between conventions. Hahaha. It's too drab - compared to the weekend of fun, friends, and cosplay!

For those not in the know, Anime Central is a HUGE annual Midwest Anime/Japanese Culture convention hosted in Rosemont, IL. Think - anime films, TV series like Pokemon, Naruto, Bleach, Full Metal Alchemist (I'm just naming the popular ones) as well as video games like Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, and other popular video games. Lots of artists gather at the Lobby and have their own stands to sell unique creations such as art, prints, handmade goods, bags, trinkets, etc. Think schoolgirls, cutesy cartoons, Domo, you name it! Steampunk, World of Warcraft, League of Legends, Devil May Cry, Final Fantasy, etc. I could go on. Us comic book lovers went as well and made our appearances.

One of many impromptu Marvel photoshoots. Who knew posing would be so tiring?

It's not just Chicago people that go - hell, I've met people from New York who've come just to be at the con! It's the entire Midwest.

People are almost always very friendly! There is a kind of unity & comaraderie among the sea of nerds & enthusiasts that jam-packs the streets and the Donald E. Stephens Convention Center and all adjacent hotels.

The best thing (in my opinion) about ACen? You can be a little kid, and it's okay! Everyone else is on the same boat as you!

EXAMPLE: You could have a lifelong dream of wanting to meet Superman [just an example] and YOU WILL MEET SUPERMAN! And even better? If you have a lifelong dream of BECOMING Superman, you can BECOME Superman! AND OTHER PEOPLE WILL ACKNOWLEDGE YOU AS SUPERMAN!

I know I've probably said it before, but my best friend and I have made it a sort of annual tradition to go. We book a hotel room for the whole weekend, gather roomies, and treat it like one big mini-vacation.
And to think that I'm more comic book/games/fantasy-focused, as opposed to anime-focused.. this makes me a MILLION times more excited for Wizard World (Chicago Comic-Con, which I've never been to yet) this August! AIEEE!!!


Feels Good To Be "The Bad Guy"-?!

I went as a female version of Loki (see Marvel's Thor & The Avengers, both comic book series and films). Now I've cosplayed before in the past, but never as involved as I was this weekend.

In the past, I've cosplayed but never really BUILT or MADE any part of it until this year. This was my first year really feeling the excitement of a home-made cosplay. My sister made the corset, while I made the helm, and my boyfriend & I collaborated on the scepter: he constructed, I designed and detailed.

I have to really say, I REALLY owned being Loki. Not only did I feel super proud of how the cosplay came out, but I felt AMAZING. I was so relieved and thankful - to myself - that I decided to start getting serious about working out & really honing down my personal nutrition. I started really dealing with weights last year, but wasn't really serious about anything else, and my diet was horrendous. I didn't feel too confident back then either.

 Left: Blondie cosplay (Sucker Punch), 2012. Right: Loki cosplay (Marvel), 2013.

It may or may not be apparent in the comparison photos, but last year I was definitely 8-10 pounds heavier and not as healthy or strong. I liked my cosplay, however I didn't own it like I owned the Loki this year.

This year, this time around, a lot of people wanted pictures: and I mean, A LOT. While there was no official Marvel photoshoot, where ever I gathered with fellow Marvel/Avengers cosplayers, a group would gather for pictures, then it would grow like bacteria dividing. Everyone was super nice and excited to take pictures, and to be honest I felt pretty special!

I should have practiced posing though because I was NOT prepared, and I most likely looked very awkward for half of my shoots.

But here are some good ones that other people took that actually turned out amazing (in my opinion):

With my FFFL (Friend For F**king Life) as The Warden from Superjail 

This Thor told me "I need a picture with my sister!"

Stuttgart Loki and Lady Loki meet!

If you guys want to see the rest of the ACen pictures my friends and I took, head on over to my Facebook - I made the album public for viewing and tagging. :-)

No Excuses Though

Amidst the cosplay, fun, friends, and lots of alcohol and bad food (ie. half of a Baker's Square banana cream pie right before bed at 2 AM) on the premises, I made it a priority to get my exercise in during the weekend. While I prepared for the whole week to be able to do this, I still made sure that I was keeping my priorities and goals for contest preparation in mind.

Friday morning? I did back and shoulders/arms:

The nerd girl in her natural (other) habitat

And Saturday morning? A fasted session of HIIT on the cross-trainer, with a 20-minute break in the upper-level pool of the Hilton, followed by a leg/glute session in the weight area!

First bathing suit picture I don't cringe over! That's gotta say something right?!

I gotta say this though - that pool, that morning spending 20-30 minutes allowing the sunlight to filter through that 10th floor skylight and onto me as I float mindlessly around - that was probably the highlight of my entire weekend. Peace, serenity, just... enjoying life. And not worrying about how ugly I must have looked. Not a bother was given.

Progress Is Progress

Even though there are plenty of days I don't feel like I'm making progress, and there are still moments where I doubt the significance of what I'm doing.. the fact that I have more bounce in my step, the fact that I'm even taking a picture of me in my new bathing suit and posting it on my very public blog, the fact that I walked all weekend with my head high and a gleaming smile on my face (except when in character, of course).. really speaks for itself.

I always used to feel down about myself. Always putting myself down because others did, and believing the negative things that were said about me. But this fitness journey isn't just about aesthetics or fitting into the prettiest things.

I'm not even at that competition body yet. I don't know how well I'll do, or how difficult it's going to be. I still don't have anywhere near the perfect proportions of a woman, nor do I think I ever will.

For me, just getting to enjoy life is what makes it all worth it. The true me can be liberated, and unhindered by bad self-esteem. Those worrisome things - while still lurking around - are no longer the forefront of my thoughts. They no longer take the wheel and dictate my emotions. I can laugh louder now. I can smile more. I can enjoy every day and look forward to new beginnings, and never have to look to others for validation or self-worth ever again.

All because I'm pushing myself everyday, meeting small goals day by day, working hard not really for an end but for the sake of working hard itself.

To be honest, while this is all new to me, I'm loving it, and that's why I'm going to keep going.

Sorry for the late post!

16 Weeks Out | ACen Weekend

Sorry I've been MIA. Again.

Since 5/12 I've been 16 weeks out from the 2013 INBA. That's 4 months tops to get in tip-top stage competition amazing diva shape. No pressure at all, right?

This week is also Anime Central 2013 Week. Yes, it is finally upon us this year. What debauchery I'm to witness this time around is beyond me. I personally just like to enjoy myself, not do dumb shit. Last year, I unfortunately got food poisoning from some bad bar food so I was sick for the entire weekend.

Now, I'm gonna be prepared... so f**k getting sick, screw having a nasty stomach flu & pains. I'm WAY PREPPED.

I wrote up my prep this Sunday in my physical fitness journal.

I'm more prepped for prep than I am for the actual convention. That's how much fitness has taken over my life. I'm still not done with my cosplay - I need to think about whether a cape is a good idea for my costume or not. I have to add finishing touches to my horns, and I have to find a way to make a Glowstick of Destiny in less than 2 days. Again, no pressure at all. #nerdyproblems

But, in preparation for a weekend of food, drink, and merry, I've come up with a great plan that not only prevents sabotage of my fitness goals and contest prep goals, but also allows me to enjoy this weekend freely.


The Plan

The plan is quite simple, actually. The precise details of it are adaptable to prevent further stress, but some things are definitely concrete:

-Carb back-loading will definitely and unquestionably be taking place, for the 3 days in a row I'm going to be spending parading around as a bad guy with horns.

-I'm moving the majority of my exercises during this convention/mini-vacay so that carb back-loading indeed works out just as I intend it to. I can work out first thing in the morning, or in the afternoon. Thank goodness the hotel we're staying at has a fully-equipped gym. Do HIIT, get some hypertrophy in, lift heavy, and I'll be good.

-I will not count calories, and I will continue not to eat breakfast, but I will take care to consume enough protein for each day. Definitely coffee to fuel me throughout the day (although the excitement alone is enough).

-I will enjoy a few drinks each night and not worry about drinking too much. I don't like getting sick, anyway, but I won't worry about this in regards to my contest prep. (Per Kiefer, consuming alcohol at night for women, post-backload, actually helps them with fat loss, for some crazy, awesome reason.. so go me).

-I'm taking the majority of my ULC days during the week to deplete my glycogen reserves appropriately for the weekend. My lighter exercise days & cardio workouts, I'm going to complete during the week as well.

-Most importantly, I will have a good time and be stress-free. This unfortunately is a bulletpoint, because I am that one idiot that will try to overcomplicate a good time because, for some retarded reason, I subconsciously feel I'm not worthy of fun time.

NO. I NEED this weekend. Especially with the clusterf*ck that was last weekend... I need this.


There's Still Room For Life

And this is how I will attempt to prevent fat gain and muscle catabolism during contest prep, and ACen weekend, and just have this all work in my favor.

I seriously need the fun. Don't listen to me when I say I don't, I desperately need it. My head has been through all kinds of dryer and blender settings these past few weeks. If that didn't make sense, I'm sorry.

So freaking out of it, and desperately need to unwind finally.

My best friend is taking me to see In Flames in concert this Thursday, as a pre-celebration. And we are going to be hosting a barbecue for post-convention weekend.. mostly because post-con weekend is so depressing and sad, since everybody realizes they have to return to the drudgery of real life. Instead, we're going to have a good time.

As always I will keep all of you updated along the way. I may not post during the weekend, but I will definitely take lots of pictures. :-)

Just A Silly Rant

Bret Contreras, whom you all know by now is one of my favorite fitness people in the industry, highly recommends strength training of the lower body region for women for strength, aesthetics, weight loss, and overall well-being. Just Google him, and you'll see that a lot of the women he trains not only are in fantastic shape, but they're strong and confident because of that fact. Hell, look up Jim Laird too.. he makes a living getting women in the best shape of their lives, too.

We're women. Most of us females want to look good. Big, small, tall, short, black, white - whatever. I do not believe there is one universal criteria for beauty, for beauty literally comes in many forms.

And one of the most important contributors to everyone's individual beauty is not a pretty face or a perfect body - but a strong sense of self, and love.


Stop Being Afraid.. Just Do Something

This is why I strongly believe in strength training. But women are so misinformed about weights, and the effect lifting them can have on their bodies. You can either go one of - well, many ways - but I will use 2 extreme opposites as an example of how weight training can change a woman's body:

  

I highly respect all figure & bodybuilding athletes, as should you. Both types of physiques take a great amount of dedication and discipline to achieve.

But, as per my goals, I am training my lower body for maximum growth, improved shape, and definition. I'm going for more of the latter-group photo physique. To each their own, right? This, though, by no means "easier".. or even "easy" - since my body, as well as many other women's bodies, was not genetically pre-packaged this way. Like I've mentioned before, most of my body accumulates fat in the upper body (except the frontal region...) and my hips aren't typically female-wide. If I let go - and I have, in the past - I REALLY look like I let go.

Neither one of these figures can be obtained by running hours and hours a day, eating only yogurt and crackers and low-fat foods, and complaining. That is a nutrition plan for surefire fat gain and metabolic disaster. They were acquired by eating lots of protein and good fats to help the body run efficiently. I don't know about the Reef girls, but I would be willing to bet that carb manipulation throughout the weeks mostly had a part in shaping these bodies.


YOU Are In Charge

One point I've been wanting to get across is that strength training will get you the results you're after, and that it takes serious hard work and patience (lots of it) to get to those results.

It will NOT immediately give you a bodybuilding woman's physique - because if it was that easy, do you really think people would be competing for all the NOT-hard-work that they did to get on the stage?

Inversely, getting a shapely bikini body that screams strength (see Reef Girls above) doesn't mean that those particular women didn't need to work just as hard as the bodybuilding lady to get that way.. if they didn't, I think a LOT more of us would have bikini bodies (and that statement speaks for itself, just look around). You can take a supermodel or "sexy person" that society would unanimously agree is sexy - but make her compete in a bikini fit/figure competition, and watch the judges not place her at all if she didn't do a single ounce of work.

Hard work is a reward in and of itself. You work hard to get what you really want, and in turn the practice of hard work gives you more than the thing you wanted - and that is the satisfaction of being a hard worker and being a strong, capable human being.

YOU are in charge of YOU - not your genes, not your appetite. I had to learn this the hard, hard way. Sure, we can blame genetics for so-and-so, but we can do something about it. You can blame this guy and that person and your mom/dad/roommate/whatever for giving you bad self esteem - but try doing something you're good at, and watch the validity of their opinions suddenly dissipate into obscurity. You can replace that 3-hour daily TV session with a walk in the park, or some yoga, or even the gym.  You can stop eating and relying on processed garbage or low-fat garbage for food. Or, just eat cleaner, made-from-scratch garbage like I do, and hell - WORK OUT, so that "garbage" actually warrants a beneficial purpose in your body - giving you muscle - instead of giving you another reason (ie. 5 extra pounds of fat) to complain about your body.

If you didn't have confidence to begin with, you can be sure that doing these things, and doing them consistently, will give you something to be confident about. And a reason to keep going and not give up.


Trust Me, I Sucked Once

These very words are being spouted by someone who comes from a deep, dark place of absolutely no self-confidence. I hated myself, absolutely loathed my own skin, so I am speaking from a very personal place.. and now, I really don't want to be anybody BUT myself.

I think this whole post is just me ranting, and for that I apologize.

I'm nowhere near perfect, and I never will be. I still have to remind myself these things. I still have to give myself pep talks - and at times, talk myself out of saying or doing stupid things that will erode at my personal & emotional progress. But I'm trying and that's more valuable than just complaining.


Pick Up That Barbell & Lift It

But, in all honesty, I really wouldn't be where I am today if I didn't decide to get strong and kill it in the gym everyday in that weight room. Not only do I not feel like a disgusting blob anymore, but I feel more empowered than I ever have in my entire life.

For one, I no longer rely on clothing to create more eye-pleasing illusions on my body (ie. tucking that gut, or shrinking a certain area) - and at the same time, it has liberated me from making bad clothing choices based on HIDING my frame. I'm no longer as afraid of shopping as I once was. And even though it was nerve-wracking as hell, I went bikini shopping for the first time two days ago - and now I'm excited for the summer, instead of dreading that other people will be looking good in their bikinis, and I'll be sitting in the shade in my XXXL t-shirt, wallowing in self-pity.

I also no longer feed into people's silly garbage when it comes to their opinions of me. Just last week, someone (whom I shall not name here) told me that I looked really bad and too skinny from "dieting too much" and that I give people the impression that I'm sick and unhealthy. Um, what? Not only was that an ignorant comment, but, since it came from that certain person - the same person who always used to tell me how fat and/or ugly I was - and the fact that the person NOTICED that my body was changing - I just took it as, I'm doing something right. I'm changing. What I've been doing is actually effective. And if I really did look sickly and anorexic, like this person insinuated, I think my friends would have intervened by now - and come over to my house with a "recovery" support group, and lots of freaking cake and chocolate and chicken wings just to feed me. If they did, I'd be eating until I passed out.

I feel more confident as a mother too. I am making such healthy and good choices in life that I am proud of embodying for my son to see. I love the fact that I am raising him in such an environment, and I believe mothers really need to take care of themselves more. I don't think kids like it when they see their moms burned out, or depressed, or even hating themselves. Families are much happier with happy, healthy parents. This is something my ex doesn't understand to this day.

I'm still a bit jealous of other girls - and I think that will always be ingrained in me, no thanks to the aformentioned person who said I looked sicky - but I now, I feel as if I at least have some ammo of my own. If the other girls are fully-loaded guns with all the gadgets and accessories, then in comparison, I no longer feel like an empty, useless chamber. Not sure if that makes sense, but that's the best way I can describe it without saying that I can hold my own now. I'm no longer just on the bench, wishing I was confident like them. In a non-cocky manner, I believe in myself and that I have worth - even though there are days I don't believe this.

My journey is still early, and at its baby stages - but I am getting there. I am slowly climbing my way up.

And you can too.

daySEVEN | May 3dP

Day seven. Lucky number seven. It was quite a dream day! Such that it deserves a post. Where do I start?

CBL Status Update

I weighed myself after training to see where I was at. I know that I'm not relying on solely the scale to monitor progress, but I cringed, knowing that the night before, my boyfriend and I came home from the local Mexican restaurant carrying food

babies, and passing out shortly after. I also drank about a gallon of water during the first half of the day.

Stepped on the scale and.... 118.2? YES!!

That's AFTER back-loading mucho the night before and drinking lots of water.. AND I'm at that time of the month where women's weight is usually at their all-time high from bloat!

I've also been eating much more with my back-loads. Delicious, dirty carbs.. and some clean, nutritious carbs too!

I've been slowly - but surely- fine-tuning my daily intake so I find things that fit exactly my macros, to have the whole diet work in my favor. It's making me quite happy how everything just.. fits. More of my actual food to be detailed in a post dedicated solely to contest prep.


Training

It was leg day #1. I usually do 2 every week, but #1 is heavy duty - which means all out - heavy load, explosive lifts. No HIIT, pure hypertrophy, all strength. If I'm not still sore in a few days, I will have leg day #2. But I'm not sure that this week will have a #2..

Due to the little mishap I experienced on Thursday, I decided to be much more cautious of my every move. The following were my exercises for daySEVEN, all preceded by warmup sets (with the exception of hip thrusts):

Barbell squat - 45-2x10 (warmup); 65x10, 55x10*
Lying leg press - 2x10 warmup close & wide stances; 2-50x12 wide, 2-50x12 close
Smith machine lunges - 45x10 (warmup); 65x10, 75x10, 75x12
Barbell hip thrusts - 3-50x12 with 5-second isometric holds per last rep
Seated hip abduction - 50x10, 40x12
10-minute incline walk @ 6.0%, 2.8mph

*Notes: I can still feel my right glute muscle being pulled - but only when I do squats. This means I will only be squatting once a week, at half my max, until that sensation completely goes away.
Notice that my weights were reduced by about 20-30%, for all sets. This is due to the right glute problem. Fortunately, that problem did not occur for the other workouts.

I also began doing lunges again - and I haven't mentioned it before, but boy do I hate lunges. Walking, static, reverse.. I hate them all. I always feel out of balance. Which is exactly why I did them. The final set, I was only going to do 10 reps, but mentally I pushed myself to do 2 extra reps. "Jen, you need that growth," I told myself. Not sure if it was in my head, or if I really did say it - since the guy next to me was giving me a strange look. He needed to work anyway, he was just sitting there like a douche hogging a station - because that's exactly what he was doing.

Glutes get worked on both days as well, and glutes also get worked on deadlift days, for a total of 3 glute resistance days - in addition to the lower body plyo/Tabata circuits I sprinkle on non-lower-body-resistance days of the week. Hence the hip thrusts and abductions. It's the biggest muscle in the body, and when it gets work, calories are definitely burned.


Amazing Day!

It was overall a great day. I had a wonderful evening with my precious son. He got to play with his friends, and he even brought some over to play. He picked up all of the toys they used afterward, AND ate all of his dinner with me - including his green beans. He got an eclair and a story as a reward! It was a really good Mom and Kaeden day :)

As for post-workout, I've discovered the best way to have my post-workout protein is in fluff form. See proteinpow.com for a plethora of delicious protein powder recipes! My post-workout CBL shake is 24grams of vanilla whey, 1 frozen sliced banana, and 1/4 cup of milk of my choosing, 5g creatine powder - and that's it. Blend it, whisk it up until it becomes fluffy - and it's super, duper tasty. I'm not even kidding. I get really sad when I finish it all. Great for protein content, and that insulin spike much needed for CBL to work. It also fits my macros perfectly.

I had medium grain calrose white rice, and tilapia & green beans sauteed in coconut oil, for dinner. It was a pretty clean back-load, which made me happy. Not to mention coconut oil makes everything taste ten times more delicious. Good thing for my clean dinner, because I had room to stuff 5 apricot kolacky's, 3, some Cadbury chocolate caramel squares, and my half-cup of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey Ice Cream pre-bed. My body temperature was up the roof by the end of the night - and I gloriously went into a carb-induced coma shortly after.


All In All..

Is it really a coincidence that carb back-loading is making me lose weight, feel happy about my food choices (and life in general), and have me improve my physique all at the same time?

The inner skeptic in me keeps trying to say so, but I gotta say, I really love carb back-loading. And I love working out regularly. I love making healthier and wiser choices in general. I'm enjoying life and I really don't need a weekend party or a night of clubbing to do that for me.

I feel so perky lately, and greet each day with enthusiasm. Maybe I could do this for the rest of my life. Have my Ben & Jerry's and pastrys, and bacon, and still get lean & strong and be able to prep for competition? I think I just will.

All in all, daySEVEN was a success.