**DISCLAIMER: Lots of bitching ahead.**
I just can't accept the fact that I have obligations in life that are not related to the things I enjoy, or let alone things that truly matter. As the days tread on, I am coming to realize how incompatible my job and I have become, and must break up soon.
To put it simply, I work in an office. You know what they say:
"This is not an office - this is Hell with fluorescent lighting."
If you know anything about me, I do not belong couped in some cubicle. I am restless and my mind processes a hundred million things per second, and my body is always itching to do something - get up, walk around... subconsciously sabotage what it knows my heart does not want, by making it difficult to wake up in the morning, by getting anxious when too much monotony has surpassed in a given time. Then my mind wanders off to pursuits and interests that, however unrelated, fill my heart and mind with joy, excitement, eagerness, and peace. Then I realize quickly what I am doing, and trying to stifle those desires to seek other things is what exhausts me so much by the end of the day. And you guessed it, fatigue, depression, and anxiety are the by-products.
But this is what I have been doing for 5 years.
I've been told by people (mind you, people I am horribly incompatible with) that I should just shut up and be grateful I am employed. And that in this economy, employment is scarce. They have a point, yes.
But should I really be grateful about that? Should I be thankful that thousands - no, millions - of us, are all mindlessly just "jobbing" around, quelling our deepest desires and the cries of our hearts, just to have the GREAT OPPORTUNITY to make ten dollars per hour while we constantly get spit on by management and treated like we're all scum?
Should I be thankful that the artists, the creators, the thinkers, the builders, the ever-so-compassionate few who sacrifice their lives every day to save others, are not respected as they should be? Whether you work in an office (like me), or work in a fast-food establishment, or you're out there building roads or pulling people out of fires and cardiac arrests, the "system" just deems us replacable - if we dare act differently, we are tossed for a more compliant model. After all, there are plenty of sheep out there who would be grateful for the employment.
It's not like there's more of us than them, right? We couldn't all just band together and stand up for what we all believe we deserve, because that would be too exhausting, right?
I have never been the type to accept the conventional, especially not at face value. I have an engrained problem with authority. It's not that I'm arrogant and that I cannot recognize wisdom above myself - no, it is quite the contrary, I value respect [as well as people who are worthy of that respect] to a degree that is lost upon my generation. I have a problem with people throwing their weight around, people that loudly proclaim falsities and belittle others. I have a problem with liars, cheaters, thieves, and extortionists, who strip the good, honest people of any extra resources they must have, under the guise of lawfulness. We must pay exorbitant taxes, have numerous restrictions on just about everything, uphold "bans" and "prohibitions," and avoid making a scene. All while we're being made to be dumber, lazier, and sicker.
I could go on for a very long time about the injustice of the itinerary of life that we "lawful people" must abide by. The ill regard I have for the school-college-doing shit you don't want-debt-soul sucking job-kissing ass to your ugly boss-slaving away for years for shitty pay-maybe retirement-death model. But I think I've already spoken volumes about it.
There's so much more to life. There's "getting by" ...and then there's living. I have always been told (whether with favor or disgust) that I cannot handle being caged in any way, shape, or form. Think Eowyn from The Lord of The Rings. We can possibly blame the fact that I am a full-blown Sagittarius. And what I've mentioned above, and the job that I must divorce from very soon, is currently my prison. Fortunately for me, and with great inconvenience and liberation alike, my heart and soul are getting way too big to fit in it. Sooner or later, and I feel it may be sooner, I'll be out.
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